Thread by @buddahJay, So I've debated for a little while about sharing my transition story. [...]

So I've debated for a little while about sharing my transition story. Not because I'm ashamed of how I got here, but because sharing it bares my soul. After really soul searching, I've decided that it would be therapeutic to do so.

Hello, my name is Jayde & I'm a non-binary transgender woman. My pronouns are she/her/they/them.
Ok, on to my story. I've know I was different since I was around 13. I still did everything a 13 year old boy was supposed to do because that's what I thought everyone expected of me.

I kept my real thoughts and feelings bottled up, just eating away at me. A few that stuck out were when my friends would comment on a girls butt in jeans. They'd say, "Damn, her butt looks great in those jeans." But I was thinking, "She looks amazing in those jeans.

I wish I had a pair of them. They're super cute." I'd then spin out of control mentally wondering why I didn't have the same thoughts as the other boys. I kept wondering what was wrong with me? I also wondered a lot what it would be like to have a vagina & not a penis.

What boy thinks about things like this? I really began to believe that I was broken and couldn't be fixed. I'd also often lay awake at night & wish that I was born a girl & why my body never felt like it was really mine. So I just kept pushing these feelings down because I was

scared that my parents would be mad at me. I decided to play the part I thought everyone wanted but I was so unhappy.
It would be another 4 or 5 years before I actually found out that girls with penises actually existed thanks to the internet lol.

I just really resonated with these women. Constantly wishing I could be one but not knowing how to make it happen. This is when my dysphoria really started to get bad.
So flash forward to about 4 years ago. Mentally, my world was really starting to crumble. I was barely holding

holding myself together on the inside. I was doing my best to project a strong husband & dad to my wife and daughters. So, I started cross-dressing, hoping that maybe this was just a kink or a fetish. Initially, this helped but when I'd have to go back into boy mode, my world

would start to spin out of control again. The dysphoria actually started to get worse. My wife, who's the most amazing woman on the planet, could see how unhappy I was & that I was just "going thru the motions". Up to this point, I wasn't a very good spouse & for that I'll always

feel so guilty of robbing her of what she truly deserved.
So in November of 2019, she finally talked me into talking to a therapist about this. I found an amazing one who specialized in gender dysphoria & transgender patients.

She was the first person that I said the words, "I'm transgender" to. When those words came out of my mouth it felt like 10,000 lbs were lifted from my shoulders. I felt a calm come over me that I'd never felt before in my entire life. I finally felt right.

I went home that night & had a very long discussion with my wife. There were quite a few tears shed by both of us. Honestly, I figured that she was going to leave me. This happens in so many relationships when one of the spouses comes out as trans & I was terrified that was going

to happen to me. I don't remember a whole lot of that conversation except this one thing she said to me at the end. She looked at me and said, "I'm not gay. But for you I will be." I instantly started bawling & knew she saw me for who I was...a woman.

It was the sweetest words I'd ever heard. And thus...my transition journey began.
Telling my daughters was very difficult. But it looks like we raised two incredible girls. They've been so supportive. Giving me hair & makeup tips lol.

In fact, one of the 1st things they asked was what pronouns I wanted them to use.I started coming out to my close friends next. I was terrified that I was going to lose them but the love & support I received far exceeded my expectations.

They pushed me to stop trying to appease everyone by going by both Jayde & my deadname. It was July 4th, one of my friends asked me why I was doing this? I said I didn't want to make it uncomfortable on everyone.

She said, "it's not about what makes it uncomfortable for us. It's what makes you happy. It's time for you to be selfish." And from that moment on, I was Jayde to all my friends. It's sad but the most pushback that I've received has my family.

It's gotten better and hope that our relationship will continue to grow.
As some of you know, I came out on social media around Labor Day of 2020. Again, the support was overwhelming. I had no idea so many people actually cared about me.

A month later I came out at work. In fact one of my teammates actually figured it out during a conversation we were having. They were worried that I was leaving work early for therapy & doctor's appointments & was concerned that I was really sick.

. I made an off hand comment about something life changing happening. Her eyes got real big & she said, "You're trans, aren't you?" She said the look on my face was apparently priceless lol. We both started crying and she gave me a huge hug!

In October, I legally changed my name. And a few months ago I updated the gender maker on both my driver's license & passports. So I'm officially female!
This past year and 5 months has been a whirlwind of emotions, yet the best of my entire life.

I've learned to finally love myself and realized that I can actually smile without having to fake it. I know my journey has only just begun and I can't wait to to see what the future holds for me.

PS - I wanted to give a special thanks to all my trans friends here on Twitter. Y'all have been so amazing to me! Thank you for accepting me into this wonderful community!

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