Thread by @buddahJay, So I've debated for a little while about sharing my transition story. [...]

So I& #39;ve debated for a little while about sharing my transition story. Not because I& #39;m ashamed of how I got here, but because sharing it bares my soul. After really soul searching, I& #39;ve decided that it would be therapeutic to do so.

Hello, my name is Jayde & I& #39;m a non-binary transgender woman. My pronouns are she/her/they/them.
Ok, on to my story. I& #39;ve know I was different since I was around 13. I still did everything a 13 year old boy was supposed to do because that& #39;s what I thought everyone expected of me.

I kept my real thoughts and feelings bottled up, just eating away at me. A few that stuck out were when my friends would comment on a girls butt in jeans. They& #39;d say, "Damn, her butt looks great in those jeans." But I was thinking, "She looks amazing in those jeans.

I wish I had a pair of them. They& #39;re super cute." I& #39;d then spin out of control mentally wondering why I didn& #39;t have the same thoughts as the other boys. I kept wondering what was wrong with me? I also wondered a lot what it would be like to have a vagina & not a penis.

What boy thinks about things like this? I really began to believe that I was broken and couldn& #39;t be fixed. I& #39;d also often lay awake at night & wish that I was born a girl & why my body never felt like it was really mine. So I just kept pushing these feelings down because I was

scared that my parents would be mad at me. I decided to play the part I thought everyone wanted but I was so unhappy.
It would be another 4 or 5 years before I actually found out that girls with penises actually existed thanks to the internet lol.

I just really resonated with these women. Constantly wishing I could be one but not knowing how to make it happen. This is when my dysphoria really started to get bad.
So flash forward to about 4 years ago. Mentally, my world was really starting to crumble. I was barely holding

holding myself together on the inside. I was doing my best to project a strong husband & dad to my wife and daughters. So, I started cross-dressing, hoping that maybe this was just a kink or a fetish. Initially, this helped but when I& #39;d have to go back into boy mode, my world

would start to spin out of control again. The dysphoria actually started to get worse. My wife, who& #39;s the most amazing woman on the planet, could see how unhappy I was & that I was just "going thru the motions". Up to this point, I wasn& #39;t a very good spouse & for that I& #39;ll always

feel so guilty of robbing her of what she truly deserved.
So in November of 2019, she finally talked me into talking to a therapist about this. I found an amazing one who specialized in gender dysphoria & transgender patients.

She was the first person that I said the words, "I& #39;m transgender" to. When those words came out of my mouth it felt like 10,000 lbs were lifted from my shoulders. I felt a calm come over me that I& #39;d never felt before in my entire life. I finally felt right.

I went home that night & had a very long discussion with my wife. There were quite a few tears shed by both of us. Honestly, I figured that she was going to leave me. This happens in so many relationships when one of the spouses comes out as trans & I was terrified that was going

to happen to me. I don& #39;t remember a whole lot of that conversation except this one thing she said to me at the end. She looked at me and said, "I& #39;m not gay. But for you I will be." I instantly started bawling & knew she saw me for who I was...a woman.

It was the sweetest words I& #39;d ever heard. And thus...my transition journey began.
Telling my daughters was very difficult. But it looks like we raised two incredible girls. They& #39;ve been so supportive. Giving me hair & makeup tips lol.

In fact, one of the 1st things they asked was what pronouns I wanted them to use.I started coming out to my close friends next. I was terrified that I was going to lose them but the love & support I received far exceeded my expectations.

They pushed me to stop trying to appease everyone by going by both Jayde & my deadname. It was July 4th, one of my friends asked me why I was doing this? I said I didn& #39;t want to make it uncomfortable on everyone.

She said, "it& #39;s not about what makes it uncomfortable for us. It& #39;s what makes you happy. It& #39;s time for you to be selfish." And from that moment on, I was Jayde to all my friends. It& #39;s sad but the most pushback that I& #39;ve received has my family.

It& #39;s gotten better and hope that our relationship will continue to grow.
As some of you know, I came out on social media around Labor Day of 2020. Again, the support was overwhelming. I had no idea so many people actually cared about me.

A month later I came out at work. In fact one of my teammates actually figured it out during a conversation we were having. They were worried that I was leaving work early for therapy & doctor& #39;s appointments & was concerned that I was really sick.

. I made an off hand comment about something life changing happening. Her eyes got real big & she said, "You& #39;re trans, aren& #39;t you?" She said the look on my face was apparently priceless lol. We both started crying and she gave me a huge hug!

In October, I legally changed my name. And a few months ago I updated the gender maker on both my driver& #39;s license & passports. So I& #39;m officially female!
This past year and 5 months has been a whirlwind of emotions, yet the best of my entire life.

I& #39;ve learned to finally love myself and realized that I can actually smile without having to fake it. I know my journey has only just begun and I can& #39;t wait to to see what the future holds for me.

PS - I wanted to give a special thanks to all my trans friends here on Twitter. Y& #39;all have been so amazing to me! Thank you for accepting me into this wonderful community!

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