[ Tᕼᖇᗴᗩᗪ ]
ʟᴏsᴛ~

Here goes nothing-

So a month ago. I could literally say i was lost in the Explanation of religion and all the god & divine being or beings whatever you like, it was really stressful. After all that one thing i kept on my mind for 17ʏs.
was ᴡʜᴀᴛᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴs ɢᴏᴅ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ʀɪɢʜᴛ

unfortunately for me on the last month i had been praying and praying asking and complaining to God about why the fuck am i confused. ᴅᴀᴍɴ ɢᴏᴅ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇᴀʟ? Is what my brain said i was lost asf it was bad bad i was scared.

ᴡʜᴀᴛᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴs ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ʟʟ ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴏᴜᴛ i said i knew i had a hope. I thought i was a stress and struggle that's it. I didn't want to loose the hope named god. But that on month march stricks. March was bad. I always hated ur

and many stuffs Happened until some very deep realization hit me. That i have been clowned all my life until now. I hated it..and liked it at the same time. In fact i wanted it. It felt great to know that. It's was a stress relief

But now I'm still lost in the Explanation of myself my trust issues my fear if something that doesn't even exist. The sentences ",how can so MANY number of ppl be so dumb.....or am I Wrong" i just can't get over it

Okay so coming back. Sorry i had to go and oreten I'm not and atheist anyways continuing with the rant. The main problem of mine is working over impulse and i loose it very often and as a religious upbringing house. Everything is pretty much about it too.

so in other words I struggle to keep my mouth shut and i might rant facts about the book club. And this can make me getting myself into a serious trouble by i can get out if it. It's easy, the one thing is. Now I'm standing in the middle of both sides and i cant trust any of them

And that's it's I'm still lost trying & crying depressed as always. But th difference is i haven't said seriously that i want to kms & was genuinely happy for a long week and i felt like the night & the morning was good and even wished myself a goodnight. This happened after 10ys