Last night I found myself in a situation where I was left vulnerable. Because of that, I got triggered and I kept asking my friend - please don& #39;t hurt me.

In my mind, I couldn& #39;t defend myself and this person was going to seize that and attack me.

I& #39;m so mentally fucked.

I don& #39;t know what normal looks like. I don& #39;t know if I will ever return to it.

Last night, in my head, I was in complete danger in my mind and I was so scared like I was back in that bathroom with fucking Bret. Back in that room. ALL the rooms.

This damage is so angering.

It just slams you back into a wall and reminds you it& #39;s always there, operating just below the surface. Ready to jump out and knock the wind and confidence right out of you.

People like Bret McGowen don& #39;t just beat you up. They take away your fucking safety AFTER they& #39;ve left.

They leave a goddamn legacy of scars and mental damage that I cannot fucking articulate horrifically enough.

Living with this continues to scare the living shit out of me and repeatedly humble me.

I& #39;m NOT as strong as I keep saying both to myself and others.

I am NOT fine.

What he did is not okay.

I am not okay.

Abuse is warfare and while abusers leave the battle, you& #39;re stuck in it and you just learn to cope with the raid sirens.

This is hell.