BROCK TALKS THREAD

During the 2009-2010 hockey season I was at Concordia in Montreal. I thought I was in a good place but I really wasn’t. My relationship with J had ended, I was closeted and still felt alone.
One night I sat at home watching a hockey game on TSN

During the intermission this young guy was being interviewed and I wasn’t fully paying attention to it. Except I did hear him say that he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and make the NHL in management. This person was Brendan Burke, the son of Brian Burke

So I’m not fully paying attention but then he says and I’m gay.

My head whipped around and I was glued to the tv in shock and awe. I’d never heard someone say this in hockey unless it was a player calling another player gay.

Once I finished listening to the interview I went to my room. I decided immediately that I’d reach out to Brendan.
I was incredibly nervous. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t out to anyone really except for J.

But I sent him a message and he responded.

Before I knew it I came out to him and what a relief this was.

Brendan and I became buds quickly.

There’s a duality to being gay in men’s hockey that not many understand. It was so difficult and I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it who lived it. I think it was a bond or connection that we both got each other.

It was also pretty great to have someone to talk to about my breakup. The only thing worse than dating someone in the closet is breaking up with someone while in the closet because nobody knows and you have nobody to talk to about it.

Brendan was someone I could talk to

I think and hope it was good for him to. Someone who could appreciate that he instantly became the face of gay in hockey.

We spoke about more though. Brendan is probably the reason I even considered activism. He and I would talk about shifting culture.

He would do it as a GM and I would do it as a player and shift the culture of locker rooms.

It motivated me to stay in the game then and it’s one of the motivations that keeps me around now.

Brendan sent me a message one day that was different than any other message he had sent me.

It was something along the lines of I can’t wait for you to come out to your family the way I did to mine.

I saw this and I panicked.

I didn’t know what to say or how to answer. Not because I didn’t think my family would be inclusive or supportive, I knew they would but they were so involved in hockey.

My brother was a first rd pick in the O and played pro. My dad coached AAA and Jr hockey for 30+ yrs

I feared that they’d become more sensitive to the language used in locker rooms, stand up to it and in the process accidentally out me.

I worried that being out would jeopardize any opportunity to play hockey.

So I ignored the message.

It turns out that those were the last words Brendan ever said to me, a few days later he passed away in a car accident.

When I saw the news I was so heartbroken.

I couldn’t talk about it to anyone because the only other person in my life who knew I was gay was my ex.

I didn’t know what to do. I locked myself in my room for days.

Then I decided I needed to do something to celebrate Brendan and the best way to do so was to honour the message he had sent me.

I sat my brother down. My brother a 6’2 210lbs power forward who fought, hit and scored goals. He is a hyper masculine guy.

I sat him down and said Cory I’m gay. He said ya so? You’re Brock, I love you.

I anticipated more shock or something but I was thrilled with the result.

Shortly after I told my parents and told friends who weren’t involved in hockey.

Funny enough, when I told my dad I remember him saying something along the lines of look how good Brian Burke was about it, you know I’ll be the same way.

My dad had no idea about Brendan when he said this.

Even funnier, my father is named Brian, built similarly to Burke and a few years ago I was having drinks with Burke and my partner was there. My partner whispered to me how Burke reminded him of my dad.

I actually can’t imagine how many parents Brian had impacted and views he’s shifted.

I do know his son had a significant impact on me. I don’t know if I’d be doing what I’m doing today if I hadn’t met him. I definitely wouldn’t have come out to my family when I did

I try to honour Brendan every time I speak and humanize homophobia.

I’m eternally grateful to have known him