One of the reasons I backed away from teaching is that in my experience finding ethical event producers is a minefield and that really sucks because it's drives goid people, especially marginalised educators, out of the field and leaves people more vunerable to toxic behaviour

And they know this and that is why they do it. They know they burn out those who challenge their behaviour or who push for accountability. It is how they maintain their toxic status quo; they break the spirits of people who want inclusive, ethical, intersectional safe practice.

Let's not even start about how the majority of these people are cishet white men. Or men who identify as bisexual and yet somehow only ever sleep with young cis female students. White women are also very much a part of this too.

Intersectionality doesn't make them money. Emotionally vunerable and/or inexperienced but economically privileged people do. And they pay huge amounts of money to people who do not care that what they do hurts their students/participants in both immediate and ongoing ways

There are good people doing good things but they are rarely established enough to pay presenters or if they do it's not much and while pro bono work feels good/necessary, it's not sustainable or fair

Also working for event promoters at festivals and such always means accepting less than my teaching rates and often travel and accommodation expensive make the smaller fee redundant

And yet we feel compelled to accept working for free in pro bono situations or substantially lower fees in these toxic spaces because we know our input is vital in dismantling this culture of harm.

Knowing you have the skills and knowledge to keep people safe but doing so costs you your wellbeing and your sense of worth and your ability to support yourself is heartbreaking.

And just like many others, I did it for as long as I could stand. But after 10 years as an educator I just couldn't keep going. Just like they intended.

I don't have answers or solutions beyond encouraging you to support ethical organisers when you find them. Research event producers you teach for and/or the events you ATTEND. Support educators who develop their independent platforms, content and events.

I'm sure there's a way to change this. I just couldn't.

Also I literally can't start on the various -isms in this field. I will just wreck myself.