You best start believing in livetweets. You're in one.

PotC started the "innocent song turned creepy over plinking piano" trend. Between that and the Inception bwaaaaaams, Hans Zimmer is responsible for you showing up late to the theater to skip the trailers.

It's both amazing and regrettable that Pirates and Master & Commander were released the same year. If Pirates was released one year later, it would be the best boat movie of that year, and Master & Commander would have made enough money to have a great sequel & a mediocre 3rd

Lol dude is like "in five years I'm going to propose to that child." Back then that was considered the height of romance.

People always say how progressive Pope Francis is, but just look at him. Even Benedict would be embarrassed by such a hat.

Gibbs is either Catholic or high-church Anglican. Judging by those sideburns, we can assume the former.

My older cousin got a fake ID, when they asked what name he wanted for it, he said Will Turner. So in a sense Will Turner bought me my first beer.

Always hate corsets as a symbol of the patriarchy. It's not like dudes of that era were forcing them on women, they were too busy massacring continents. Corsets are like the Brazilian wax, primarily used as social blackmail against men who never asked.

"You were saying some group had taken something called a Hobbit to a place called Isengard. It was all very catchy."

Poor Orlando Bloom. He bloomed right at the tail end of the era where all you needed was a cool name and blank handsome affability. By 2006 they started asking their leading men to act as well. It was like the talkies muscling out silent film all over again.

Back in the Golden Age you would be named Harrington Strait and would co-star with your cheekbones in four of the top ten grossing movies of 1951. You would give McCarthy your entire rolodex and then you and your male personal assistant of 13 years would die in a yacht explosion

One of those perfects moments they teach you in screenwriting books that no one seems to get right. Entirely wordless, but you know everything you need to about Jack in two minutes. I watched 4 hours of the Snyder cut and know less about Batman than I did going in.

Johnny Depp in this is very much my "Amy Adams at the end of Arrival" moment for me. Even though I know this ends in tragedy, I would still let it all happen again just so we could get this one beautiful performance.

This is an elegy for a certain kind of studio production. Apparently the suits insisted that Depp was playing him "too gay." Nowadays they would recast Depp day 2 with Ansel Elgort & give him a sidekick that the studio hints is his BF but is vague enough for Chinese audiences

This movie is full of random lines I quote everyday, I say this every time I talk about my Toyota Tacoma.

Modern policing be like

Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering

Angry blue checkmarks when Liz Bruenig just posts a picture of a pie or something

This line by itself has had a more lasting and positive impact than Crazy Rich Asians

Jack Sparrow, like the majority of Brooklyn women, has been betrayed by a regrettable tattoo.

This is why there is no such thing as a bad quote tweet

Love a good thesis statement. More movies should be constructed like an undergrad paper. "That is beyond the scope of this paper" should be used to settle the Letterboxd gays down when they start reading Brideshead layers into Thor: The Dark World.

Keira was 17 when they filmed this. Imagine being a movie star at 17. When I was 17 I was jogging through the neighborhoods near my high school for cross country practice and a dog hopped the fence and chased me for half a mile.

I try not to thirst over Keira in this, both for the obvious legal ramifications but also because I deeply respect Elizabeth Bennet. Thirsting after someone you respect is just called Love.

My last roommate worked from home even before Covid. When I came home from work i'd say this to him on the couch and to the beer in our fridge.

This is how all great twitter friendships begin

I have no time for a movie too good for an animal reaction shot. Like I'm sorry buddy you think you're better than Bresson? Bresson would love Pirates of the Caribbean, while rightfully mistrusting Depp.

Verbinski magic. Remember when action scenes were a series of escalating consequences given the spatial respect needed to play out? Because i don't, I was 8 when this came out.

Kind of weird that the only two guys named Gore, Verbinski and Vidal respectively, both have V surnames. It has to mean something, because if it means nothing then everything is permitted.

Credit where credit is due, Bloom nails this shot. Really captures that "accepting the existential joke with good humor" look.

Dude what's the point of dishing out the epic comeback when the recipient is knocked out, real tree falling in the woods territory

Ok natural act break, going to bed. We still have another...TWO HOURS!? of this to go, join me then.

Pirates of the Caribbean thread back on. This thread is made of human hair. From my back.

My laptop is very much like Jack Sparrow in that whenever I think it’s working with me, it usually isn’t. Standby for technical difficulties.