I’m independent AF, I will never ask for help unless it’s dire & even then, I fucking hate asking for help, I’ve earned everything myself and I feel my pride is on the line when I do.

I was always told to work for what I want so here I am.

I get REALLY attached to anyone who shows a genuine attraction to me & is kind BUT then I’m scared they’re gonna leave so abandonment issues are high up there on the list.

I constantly worry that I’m not good enough & some days I feel I’m put high on people’s praises but I don’t do fuck all so I don’t deserve the praise and the support I receive.

Fundamentally I love & hate myself, it’s like a roller coaster of emotions, when I’m happy I feel it so intensely & I feel like I’m super sexy & nothing can bring me down but same turn of the coin when I’m low I also feel those emotions intensely too.

I find it both easy & hard to fall in love because I force myself not to feel emotions but that side of my brain will not take long to say fuck you here’s some feelings & you’re gonna catch them.

I spend a lot of time in what I’m going to call Limbo, I go about my day but I have no feelings towards anything I do, I rarely give a reaction to people I’m usually happy to see / talk to I’m kinda just existing

I get hyperfixated on one thing & I cannot do anything else, for instance I will play a game and only that game for a couple weeks max but I will min/max my knowledge on it & get as good as I can before I fixate on something else.

Another example, I produce music, I stream on twitch & I make content for onlyfans, I can only do one of those things at a time because that’s all I will live and breath during.

If you read this whole thread, well like good for you.

There’s a lot more on my mind and what I go through but this thread is long enough.