Read on Twitter
"I fully subscribe to the stack and tilt methodology but ask yourself; when you& #39;re trying to hold a cut into a hurting wind with four presses on the line, are you gonna trust it?"
"I pay Scott Fawcett more than my fucking dog groomer, and so far NOTHING. Zilch."
"Yeah, Fawcett& #39;s a smart dude, but just such a tremendous self-serving waste of flesh. Personally, I& #39;m really into Gankas these days. Like, am I scooshi here? Is this scoosh enough?"
"Can I ask you something? Like, you& #39;ll answer honestly?"
"Of course. I& #39;ll always be true to you. You know this."
"Can I like the @jjkilleentcu West Texas Driving Range guy? He& #39;s like....actually not a raging mouth-breather. He makes really strong points, respective to swing plane and has helped me keep the club shallow."
"Is he hot?"
"God no. He& #39;s as white as my Titleist AVX."
"Girl...Lemme explain this like you& #39;re a freshman at USC....Bravo will not make you a billionaire if you date white guys. Especially not white guys that look like that dude. He& #39;s stuck in West Texas for a *reason* OK? Eyes on the prize girl."
"OMG! I am, like, so offended. Who said anything about dating him?"
"Mom, When do we start this US Women& #39;s Open thing? Thursday night?"
"And, mom, I love you, but throw those ghastly pants away immediately."
"Yes, you ungrateful hussies. We paid the @usga in untraceable crypto coin and they were able to secure two spots for you both. Thursday morning 8:00am for you Kim and 8:10am for you Khloe. That USGA is the thirstiest organization I& #39;ve ever seen, and I know Scientologists."
"Mom...Did you say 810am *this* Thursday?!?!? Mom...How in the actual FUCK am I supposed to get my spin and launch angles honed in with these wedges by Thursday?!? I& #39;m still demoing shafts!"
"Yeah....No. Sorry mom, but 800am doesn& #39;t work for me Thursday. I& #39;ve got "sleep" then. Sorry. Can you see if we could play at 11am? Maybe 1230pm?"
"Girls, this US Open is a big deal. You play when they tell you. It& #39;s not negotiable. This is going to be HUGE for our brand with the elusive Golf Twitter demographic; incels with high disposable income. We need them for our Callaway Golf launch."
"How much did Callaway pay us again?"
"$40 million. Each."
"Um, yeeeeeah. Mom? $40 mil? This is hardly worth the time."
"Fine, I& #39;ll call the USGA and just cancel. They can give that $40M to a charity like that poor hairy kid from Valencia, Max Homa."
"Wait a hot minute there, Kris. You owe me one, dammit. Lemme play. I& #39;m ready."
"Brilliant! Will they let Caitlyn play?"
"Probably? I mean, it& #39;s California. It& #39;s not like we& #39;re in the dark ages of Arkansas or Texas. Why not?"
"Probably? I mean, it& #39;s California. It& #39;s not like we& #39;re in the dark ages of Arkansas or Texas. Why not?"
"That takes care of one of our spots....What about the other?"
"We could try Natalie Gulbis?"
"DO NOT MAKE A CIRCUS OUT OF THIS, KIM."
"DO NOT MAKE A CIRCUS OUT OF THIS, KIM."
I& #39;m done. Please watch the @uswomensopen at The Olympic Club which is a fine course. (It& #39;s just fine, really.)
Last, last, final tweet: dedicating this US Women& #39;s Open thread to @ChickPhilA, @sendacott, @Rachel_H5 @sazamagolf
@heycarolynz, @paranoiacs & the one and only @imsocrabby. Women who might be *too good* for this silly game.
@heycarolynz, @paranoiacs & the one and only @imsocrabby. Women who might be *too good* for this silly game.
