"I fully subscribe to the stack and tilt methodology but ask yourself; when you're trying to hold a cut into a hurting wind with four presses on the line, are you gonna trust it?"
"Yeah, Fawcett's a smart dude, but just such a tremendous self-serving waste of flesh. Personally, I'm really into Gankas these days. Like, am I scooshi here? Is this scoosh enough?"
"Can I like the @jjkilleentcu West Texas Driving Range guy? He's like....actually not a raging mouth-breather. He makes really strong points, respective to swing plane and has helped me keep the club shallow."
"Girl...Lemme explain this like you're a freshman at USC....Bravo will not make you a billionaire if you date white guys. Especially not white guys that look like that dude. He's stuck in West Texas for a *reason* OK? Eyes on the prize girl."
"Yes, you ungrateful hussies. We paid the @usga in untraceable crypto coin and they were able to secure two spots for you both. Thursday morning 8:00am for you Kim and 8:10am for you Khloe. That USGA is the thirstiest organization I've ever seen, and I know Scientologists."
"Mom...Did you say 810am *this* Thursday?!?!? Mom...How in the actual FUCK am I supposed to get my spin and launch angles honed in with these wedges by Thursday?!? I'm still demoing shafts!"
"Yeah....No. Sorry mom, but 800am doesn't work for me Thursday. I've got "sleep" then. Sorry. Can you see if we could play at 11am? Maybe 1230pm?"
"Girls, this US Open is a big deal. You play when they tell you. It's not negotiable. This is going to be HUGE for our brand with the elusive Golf Twitter demographic; incels with high disposable income. We need them for our Callaway Golf launch."
"Fine, I'll call the USGA and just cancel. They can give that $40M to a charity like that poor hairy kid from Valencia, Max Homa."
"Brilliant! Will they let Caitlyn play?"
"Probably? I mean, it's California. It's not like we're in the dark ages of Arkansas or Texas. Why not?"
"Probably? I mean, it's California. It's not like we're in the dark ages of Arkansas or Texas. Why not?"
I'm done. Please watch the @uswomensopen at The Olympic Club which is a fine course. (It's just fine, really.)
Last, last, final tweet: dedicating this US Women's Open thread to @ChickPhilA, @sendacott, @Rachel_H5 @sazamagolf
@heycarolynz, @paranoiacs & the one and only @imsocrabby. Women who might be *too good* for this silly game.
@heycarolynz, @paranoiacs & the one and only @imsocrabby. Women who might be *too good* for this silly game.