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Let's talk about a thing that has affected me for my whole life but I learned the name for this yr: rejection sensitive dysphoria. It's an ADHD symptom (and is thought to be associated with autism too) and is a very sharp reaction to rejection/criticism. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
A note here: I have been diagnosed "officially" with autism but not with ADHD - that is just a suspicion on my part. My experiences are my own and I don't presume to speak for everyone. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance 
The thing that separates rejection sensitive dysphoria from regular "feeling bad from being rejected/criticised" is the intensity and relative briefness of the feelings. It's like a firework, loud and bright, but over very quickly. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
Also like a firework, sometimes when you close your eyes the patterns are still there. The memory of an event can re-trigger the emotions all over again. In addition, they can be a response to rejections that we only imagined, as well as real ones. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
The intense emotions (including anger) can be directed inwardly or outward and appear to neurotypical people to be a serious overreaction, but trust me when I say they feel entirely proportional at the time. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
Rejection and criticism (perceived or actual) can feel physically painful, completely overwhelming anything else - including the coping mechanisms many neurodiverse ppl have in place to manage the emotions we already feel more intensely than neurotypicals. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is a huge part of the reason ADHD is frequently misdiagnosed as a mood disorder such as major depressive disorder or bipolar. It also very poorly understood and not talked about enough because it gets hidden by sufferers. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
50% of people who get assigned anger-management courses by court judgements have undiagnosed (and therefore untreated, unsupported) ADHD https://theadhdmanual.com/2019/02/04/the-third-pillar-of-adhd-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria/ (citation is in an image) #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
Ppl w rejection sensitive dysphoria frequently struggle to discuss it. It feels shameful. E.g: my best friends play a game together w/o me. Even if it's a game I'm not remotely interested in, a bout of RSD makes a variety of things happen to me internally. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
I get really empty of anything that isn't my RSD response. I no longer even WANT to play games with them, even if they change their plans. I don't want anything. I might get angry at them ("why the heck can't they play a game that I want to play too???") #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
T/W: suicide mention / I may get sad, like intensely so ("my friends don't want to play with me anymore"). Sometimes if it's very bad, I want to stop existing. This isn't quite the same as wanting to kill myself (I've felt both and know the difference) #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
But like, if I don't exist, I can't feel all these emotions that are threatening to drown me. I can't do something wrong that makes my friends hate me that makes me feel that way. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
So many of my memories are seared into my psyche, blasted into permanent residence by the intensity of the emotions. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
I gave a wrong answer in class once (teacher asked if anyone knew a word for tired/sluggish (lethargic), I got the words jumbled and answered "nostalgic". I was precocious, especially in vocabulary, so the teacher was visibly surprised that I was wrong. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
Friends, I was 14 when that happened and I can picture it clearer than breakfast. It's more than half of my life ago and I don't remember the teacher's name, but that scene lives rent-free in my head. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
It's hard to share these examples, even though I don't think a Twitter thread can quite convey the intensity of emotion associated with a bout of rejection sensitive dysphoria. I am still ashamed of how deeply they affect me. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
There are two common results for someone who suffers from rejection sensitive dysphoria; they either become people-pleasers, or they stop trying. I actually pendulum between these two reactions, presumably because autism messes with it. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
People pleasers avoid rejection sensitive dysphoria by doing everything they can to avoid being rejected or criticised. It feels like your survival is contingent on your ability to anticipate people's needs and provide for them. The class clown. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
This response can be weird and destructive in social situations because "pleasing" people in order to avoid rejection or criticism isn't the same as making them happy. It's far more about deflection and can create its own problems. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
The second response type is simple - if you never try anything, you never fail, never let anyone down. If you do nothing, nobody can criticise you, nobody can reject you if you never apply for a job or ask someone out, or host a party. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
It's intensely isolating but put it this way: if you want chocolate but you have to fight through shark-infested sea to get to the shop, you'll probably just skip it. The risk of rejection feels like this to anyone with rejection sensitive dysphoria. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
I don't have any answers for you, I just wanted to share my experiences to reassure people. A very common form of ableism is gaslighting of this kind of emotional dysregulation. Rejection sensitive dysphoria isn't an excuse to act like a dick, but... #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
Being aware of it can help sufferers and those they are in close relationships with (friends, family, partners) understand that no amount of trying harder will change how they react. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
For me, it was really nice to be able to say to myself "you're not "taking it personally", you react in a heightened way because you are a different neurotype". Having that understanding was a crucial step towards being more aware of my own reactions. #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic
Thanks for reading. Hopefully, this thread lets you understand yourself or your loved ones better. Buy me a wee brew on ko-fi if it did http://ko-fi.com/shanodin #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance
