I often tweet about how I want Johnson to be dragged off to the tower to be punished for his crimes. But I have a better idea.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Then I'll begin

1/x

First of all Boris Johnson should be stripped of all his assets and money.

He will get a criminal record and is banned from ever holding public office again.

He will be blacklisted from all media

2/x

He will lose his home, his safety net, and his ability to earn a "decent" salary. The only jobs open to him will be on minimum wage

3/x

He will have but one privilege: he will be allowed to rent a 1 bedroomed council flat. At least he won't sleep on the streets, which is more than some get

4/x

He will live on the top floor. The lift is almost always broken. It smells of piss. The building is covered in toxic cladding. His neighbours all despise him. The most hated man alive in Britain

5/x

The only furniture is a stained sofa bed. It smells of damp and old sweat. The toilet leaks and there is no seat. Hot water is a novelty. He does his laundry in a plastic tub in the shower.

6/x

He will have to apply for benefits, and somehow survive on thin air until his money comes through. Queuing up at the local foodbank people stare, curse at him, tell him to take it on the chin

7/x

I like to imagine him navigating the frustrating benefit forms, and feeling small and pathetic under the merciless and judging gaze of the dwp officers - having to justify his mere existence

8/x

He will have to account for every penny. Trying to stretch his money to afford to feed himself. The fridge is broken, the cooker is on the blink. He will rely on pot noodles and toast, a far cry from the Ivy. He has no TV. He just stares at a damp patch on the wall

9/x

He has no transportation. No fancy cars, no bike. He has to walk to and from the shops in his charity shop shoes, carrying his meager spoils from the food bank and basic foodstuffs from the bargain bin

10/x

His hunt for a job is fruitless. No one wants to employ a liar and a thief, responsible for over 100k deaths. He fills in his jobseekers diary detailing his every failure

11/x

He has no computer, no internet to apply for jobs. There's always a queue in the jobcentre and the local library was shut down by his fellow tories

12/x

Day in, day out, is all about survival. All the while knowing he will never return to his old life of power, wealth and privilege. No woman will look at him twice, people cross the road to avoid him

13/x

He lays awake every night on his crappy sofabed, thinking of his past life of luxury, just out of reach. He isn't technically imprisoned yet he is trapped.

This is worse than any prison.

In prison you will get fed better

In prison you will have clean sheets

14/x

Do you think I sound too harsh? Too bitter?

Tell that to the families of those that died of covid

To the people of Norn Iron

To Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe

To those living in poverty, trapped in the vicious cycle described above

To the businesses destroyed by brexit

15/x

And so ends my bedtime story this evening. I hope you liked it

16/16