An #ADHD / #NeurodiverseSquad realization, for anyone else this might be useful for:

I figured out, at least a bit, one of the communication problems I have, particularly with asynchronous communication (texts, e-mails, forums, etc).

In short: I can only exist in the present.
In the moment I see the inbox, all of the messages in it are simultaneously /existing at me/. They& #39;re all equally important, all equally loud, all demanding my attention.

Worse, they tend to be large (at least several paragraph) messages with which I can& #39;t have a back and forth.
When I& #39;m talking to someone, I can make sure after each sentence that we understand each other, and then move on to the next sentence - maybe with a topic or thesis or point that I can use as a signpost to direct me towards the goal.

But with paragraphs?
When you start with a sentence that I don& #39;t have a chance to interact with, it flags for me - and I have to Construct an alternate reality where I understand it, and hold that in my mind as I keep going.

And then another, for each sentence that follows.
So let& #39;s say I open the inbox, and respond to what I can - fine, great.

But now, I& #39;ve cleared the notifications. And without the notification that I need to respond, the messages stop existing.

They might just not exist for six months, until I see them again.
And then, they EXIST AT ME even louder than before,

since now there& #39;s shame at not responding, as well.
Not understanding why that happened was a source of shame, anxiety, and dread for me, before my D/x.

After all, everyone else can do this, so why can& #39;t I?

And it turns out, this just isn& #39;t the way I& #39;m set up to function.

Knowing that makes me so much more effective.
I work best face-to-face, working on problems. My brain moves incredibly fast to process problems or puzzles. To turn things over.

Put me at a table with two or three other folks, one of whom is good at logistics/planning, and I turn into a rocket engine.
Give me problems in small chunks, or tasks where I can go off on my own and do one thing as quickly and thoroughly as possible.

"Find out what the requirements are for Permits from the city, and put together a cheat sheet of the information for us."

And it& #39;ll just be done.
It& #39;s been interesting to learn that so many things in my life - school, work, personal relationships - have had issues not because I am (as my brain tells me) a peice of shit,

But because the people interacting with me have not known how to do so. What to ask for, how to ask.
So - just my thought for the day.

I exist in an eternal present. I don& #39;t have a good grasp on times, aside from a vague understanding of "Yesterday" and "Tomorrow."

To talk to me in the best possible way, you& #39;ve gotta be in my timeframe.
When you are, you have all of me.

Just like anything else does, when it exists with me in the moment.
(/end)
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