An #ADHD / #NeurodiverseSquad realization, for anyone else this might be useful for:

I figured out, at least a bit, one of the communication problems I have, particularly with asynchronous communication (texts, e-mails, forums, etc).

In short: I can only exist in the present.

In the moment I see the inbox, all of the messages in it are simultaneously /existing at me/. They're all equally important, all equally loud, all demanding my attention.

Worse, they tend to be large (at least several paragraph) messages with which I can't have a back and forth.

When I'm talking to someone, I can make sure after each sentence that we understand each other, and then move on to the next sentence - maybe with a topic or thesis or point that I can use as a signpost to direct me towards the goal.

But with paragraphs?

When you start with a sentence that I don't have a chance to interact with, it flags for me - and I have to Construct an alternate reality where I understand it, and hold that in my mind as I keep going.

And then another, for each sentence that follows.

So let's say I open the inbox, and respond to what I can - fine, great.

But now, I've cleared the notifications. And without the notification that I need to respond, the messages stop existing.

They might just not exist for six months, until I see them again.

And then, they EXIST AT ME even louder than before,

since now there's shame at not responding, as well.

Not understanding why that happened was a source of shame, anxiety, and dread for me, before my D/x.

After all, everyone else can do this, so why can't I?

And it turns out, this just isn't the way I'm set up to function.

Knowing that makes me so much more effective.

I work best face-to-face, working on problems. My brain moves incredibly fast to process problems or puzzles. To turn things over.

Put me at a table with two or three other folks, one of whom is good at logistics/planning, and I turn into a rocket engine.

Give me problems in small chunks, or tasks where I can go off on my own and do one thing as quickly and thoroughly as possible.

"Find out what the requirements are for Permits from the city, and put together a cheat sheet of the information for us."

And it'll just be done.

It's been interesting to learn that so many things in my life - school, work, personal relationships - have had issues not because I am (as my brain tells me) a peice of shit,

But because the people interacting with me have not known how to do so. What to ask for, how to ask.

So - just my thought for the day.

I exist in an eternal present. I don't have a good grasp on times, aside from a vague understanding of "Yesterday" and "Tomorrow."

To talk to me in the best possible way, you've gotta be in my timeframe.

When you are, you have all of me.

Just like anything else does, when it exists with me in the moment.

(/end)