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Finished my first can of #NXTLVL by $LTNC. I was skeptical at first, but let me just say, TRY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Today began like any other, I had my morning routine, gave my Discord group some fire plays, made a couple of memes and proceeded to check my mail.
Today began like any other, I had my morning routine, gave my Discord group some fire plays, made a couple of memes and proceeded to check my mail.
When FedEx arrived, the driver was sweating and visibly nervous. After placing the box down carefully, he whispered “may god have mercy on us all,” sprinted back to his truck, and peeled out of my subdivision, knocking over a few mailboxes. I opened my package cautiously.
When I first opened the box, a gust of wind came rushing out, knocking me backwards with the force of 10,000 suns, as Kashmir by Led Zeppelin in Dolby 7.1 surround sound played from within it. I regained consciousness and proceeded to remove the cans from the box.
Hot to the touch, a surge of immeasurable heat coursed through my body. The box from which I removed the cans was incinerated by my newfound power. I hesitated to remove the plastic covering, but alas, my incendiary abilities also melted it, leaving nothing but the cans.
As I opened my first one, I hesitated— my entire life had led me to this moment, and perhaps, it was destiny being fulfilled. I messaged my loved ones using Siri, (for fear that I would destroy my phone if I held it) and told them I would return
With the first sip, I felt nothing. In truth, I was also nervous and probably spilled a bit of it on the floor, which I noticed after a meadow began to grow in my living room floor, with patches of grass growing instantaneously and woodland creatures running throughout (no 
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I regained my focus. I chugged the remaining water. Within seconds, I became one with the universe and knew all things. I spoke to the galaxy, disrupted time and space, tearing the fabric of reality and splitting atoms to create antimatter while defying the laws of physics.
I rocketed out of my house (I’ve never physically flown before) and began to shoot beams of dark energy from my eyes. I spoke to the wind and commanded it shift the clouds, as I began to fly at higher speeds, breaking the sound barrier and entering the upper atmosphere.
I now control my phone with my mind, from space, as I venture to the moon in hopes to be at peace from the mere mortals who have never experienced such greatness.
