So here& #39;s something I& #39;m sure absolutely no-one wants to know about. What& #39;s the latest with my pigeons?

Unfortunately, I became rather a victim of my own success. Just after sunrise on any given morning, I had twenty of the blighters on my balcony.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😯" title="Schweigendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Schweigendes Gesicht">

It reached the stage where I& #39;d put three piles of food down, but the bigger ones, the bullies, the alphas, kept getting most of it. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😩" title="Mattes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Mattes Gesicht">

I tried encouraging the others to unionise and fight back but it was no good. "What is this weirdo saying to us?", I imagine they were thinking.

On top of this, I started receiving some complaints. Because when someone has 20 feral pigeons on their balcony, they drop... er, what pigeons relentlessly drop. From the balcony ledge onto below. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">

At length, I sadly concluded I had to stop.

Which I did - and their visits slowly fell in numbers. All except one. I call him & #39;Philosopher Pigeon& #39; because all he does every day is sit on my balcony, thinking. And thinking. And thinking some more.

Think the Monty Python Philosopher Football sketch.

I mean no disrespect in saying this, but the poor little thing appears to have been hit over the head with the ugly stick, and seems a social outcast compared to all the rest of them, bless him. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="☹️" title="Stirnrunzelndes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Stirnrunzelndes Gesicht">

So I& #39;ve taken pity on him.

First I tried to give him some food outside. This didn& #39;t work as several others descended at speed and pushed him out the way. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😡" title="Schmollendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Schmollendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund">

Then today, I did something I& #39;d been desperately trying to talk myself out of. I put a pile of food *indoors*, next to the French windows.

There followed about 15-20 minutes of me trying to coax him indoors, and him not budging.

Then after he& #39;d worked out where the food was, another 10 mins of him gently creeping inside but moving straight back out if I moved at all.

Then, finally, he was in - and with his attention on the food, I quickly slid the doors shut. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👌" title="OK-Hand" aria-label="Emoji: OK-Hand">

And then... well, I think he thought it was Christmas! He& #39;d never seen such a feast - and it was all for him. Yum yum.

At this point, the reason I& #39;d closed the doors became apparent. Because a second pigeon appeared. He was hilariously oblivious to the feast going on yards from him - then must have smelt something.

Cue him on the other side of the window looking EXTREMELY CONFUSED.

"Why can& #39;t I get in? How did he get in? What kind of magic is this?"

Philosopher Pigeon was totally unphased by all this. And probably thinking "mate - you& #39;ve been trolled".

He polished the whole thing off. Then I let him straight back out. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙏" title="Gefaltete Hände" aria-label="Emoji: Gefaltete Hände">

... Until tomorrow, at least.