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[1] So there’s this old story I have from a year or so ago, in which I’m at a party (imagine, I can’t) & I get into a discussion with a girl about my job. It’s one I’ve told before, but every now & then I feel it so necessary to re-tell for many reasons. Indulge me if you will:
[2] I tell her what line of work I’m in after a brief chat about her work in finance. She’s accepting - I don’t get a scrunched up nose & squint of disgust from her. One most of us on here will be familiar with should we choose honesty in social settings about our careers.
[3] But something does not compute, exemplified by what she says immediately after her initial acceptance. “Isn’t it just like... Soulless? Isn’t it really cheap & mechanical having something so transactional? None of it’s authentic because something’s being exchanged!"
[4] And then, the final gut punch delivered with firm conviction: "I support your choice but you can’t possibly expect me to believe you enjoy it!”
[5] Deep breath. My response is practically a rehearsed monologue at this point, & not just because it's a response I’ve had to give so often, but because this is exactly the thing I am most passionate about in my work. No, I tell her. It isn’t soulless. In fact...
[6] It doesn’t feel ‘cheap’ (queue the jokes from clients on here who can attest to just how not-cheap it is…) It isn’t mechanical. You know why? Because the boundaries, honesty & clear communication are exactly what allows for such freedom within the client/companion dynamic.
[7] We love to fool ourselves in civilian society that our relationships are completely pure, that there is no element of transaction whatsoever. But if we truly search ourselves, we’ll see that this is a lie. Whether the trade of is security, an emotional crutch...
[8] ... a slight bartering of power - civilian romances are not so innocent of this so called love crime themselves. So what if we instead confront this concept? What if we approach our romances with emotional integrity? What if we face some uncomfortable truths?
[9] What if we have those open, honest conversations about our wants & needs without fear of judgement? What I’ve found is that, ironically, within the boundaries and limits of an ‘arrangement’ are in fact untold freedoms to be explored. Anything can be discussed.
[10] Anything can be seen. Everything is on the table. Precisely because we know why we are both here and what we both want, there’s no need for games and guessing. It’s actually beautifully simple. It’s real -
[11] It’s an environment in which I’ve seen people truly see themselves for the first time & not be afraid of their true self. I wish I could tell you that this rant was verbatim but I’m fairly sure I launched into a solid five minute tirade. Like I said, I’m passionate about it.
[12] But, while she did push back a few times in this moment, at the end of my onslaught and my first breath in quite some time, she in fact interrupted me before I could defensively continue my defence:
[13] “I never even considered any of that. Not in my personal love life. So many years of confusion and conflict could have been spared if I’d just….. um, where do I sign up?” It doesn’t always go this well, but it’s why I’m passionate about being ‘out’ in social circles.
[14] I write about this stuff a lot more over on my blog, where i'm not confined to the cencorship gods rules. The dynamics of truth and communication often feel so specific to this lifestyle - this job. It's precious and wonderful, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
[15] Thanks for indulging me being soppy. Go read some more of my self indulgent musings on the website if you want. I'm going to go and do something very cool and unemotional now.
P.s. I take no responsibility for spelling or grammar errors in this absolute barrage of impulse tweeting x
