Are we still in the mood for 'Bakugou was abandoned' angst? No? Too bad.

tododeku, onesided-bakudeku, onesided-kiribaku
Angst, no happy ending, bc I was in a mood to create pain

*Maybe*

He watches from afar as they eat lunch in the busy UA cafeteria as if they can't hear the
messy crowd of students who make a loud raucous noise. It's like they're in their own little world and no one is allowed in. Everyone else is an extra to their love story and should be considered lucky enough to be allowed to watch it from afar.

Katsuki hates being an extra. He
hates how in love Izuku and Todoroki look.

Their knees touch under the table, there's a bright smile on Izuku's face and Todoroki looks like he reached heaven. There seem to be little hearts flying around their heads.

It makes Katsuki want to vomit.

Roughly, he pushes his tray
away, making a mess of rice on the table that he can't find in himself to care about.

"Bakugou?" Kirishima asks, always so fucking friendly. Always sticking his damn nose where he isn't needed. "Are you cool, man?"

"Fuck off," he grunts, getting up from the table harshly.
"Baku! You haven't eaten!" Kirishima pleads, reaching for his arm. "Do you need-"

"Leave me alone!" he barks, pulling his hand so the other can't touch him.

None of the useless, stupid niceties Kirishima has to spout will help him. Not today. And probably not ever. Katsuki has
little patience for people who are always trying to calm him down. Trying to make him more manageable, less angry. If he wants to be angry, he'll be goddamn angry. He's got fucking good reasons for it anyway.

Like the fact he just lost the boy he loves for someone else.
It's been a week that Deku and Todoroki have started dating. A whole week of Katsuki's biggest nightmare parading around in daylight, everyone cheering it on. The day they arrived at the dorm common room, holding hands, matching blushes on their faces, it felt like someone had
ripped Katsuki's heart from his chest. He hasn't felt any better since then.

He never felt so blindsided before. Deku and Todoroki? How? Katsuki should have seen that coming, shouldn't he? The three of them have been interning together for Endeavor since their first year.
Katsuki and Deku have been training together every week since their first year too. And all the hours in class, all the late-night studies... 

The two of them have never spent much time alone without Katsuki. Considering training with All Might, Deku spends more time with him
than with Todoroki. So how the hell could that have happened?

How could the boy he loved fall in love with someone else under Katsuki's watch and he didn't even notice?!

Just thinking about it makes bile rise through Katsuki's throat.

He wishes he could ignore it, pretend they
don't even exist. But their new relationship is like a knife stuck in Katsuki's gut. It hurts even when he breathes.

And it fucked up his whole life. Deku doesn't have time for their training with All Might because he has dates with Todoroki. He won't be taking the train home
with Katsuki for the weekend because he's spending the weekend at Todoroki's place (doing what, Katsuki doesn't have the stomach to think about). Katsuki isn't invited to their late-night studies sessions anymore.

And this is all said with a gentle smile and bright green eyes
that shine when he says "You understand, right, Kacchan? And I'm sure your friends will be happy to have more time with you!"

To which Katsuki nods while fighting the urge to puke.

Katsuki doesn't fucking care what his friends want or not. Fuck them. Katsuki barely calls them
friends. It's everyone else that uses that title, not him. They're just some idiots who follow him around. Katsuki has just one real friend, and Todoroki took him away.

There's nothing that Katsuki wants more than to hate them. Todoroki for taking Deku from him and Deku for
letting that happen. Hating Todoroki comes easy. He never liked the fucker from the get-go.

But hating Deku... He has been trying to hate Deku since he was four and has failed so far. Even now, he doesn't have any hopes of managing to do that. Loving Deku is already part of him
as much as his hair, his lungs, his quirk. To not love Deku would be like amputating one of his most beautiful parts, the part that makes him want to be a better person and not only the best.

After leaving the cafeteria, Katsuki goes to the roof to have some space for himself.
The open blue sky and the searing sun help with his nausea a little bit. Slowly, he approaches the railing and looks to the horizon, trying to find answers.

Why is this happening to him?

Why did Deku choose Todoroki instead of him?

They've been together through their whole
lives. They've been talking about becoming hero partners. It was so clear that they're made for each other... How could Deku not see it?

Maybe he got tired of waiting for Katsuki to make a move? They've been dancing around each other for years now...

Or maybe, Katsuki is the
only one that had been dancing around the issue. Deku is honest to a fault, he never hid what he wanted — to be Katsuki's friend. Maybe it was Katsuki who was reading too much into it, seeing things that weren't there.

Maybe Katsuki didn't get late now, maybe he already lost his
chance back at their first year when he couldn't see Izuku without attacking him and Todoroki had already recognized Deku as the worthy opponent.

Deku, who broke himself over and over for Todoroki's sake. Deku, who when fighting for his life against Shigaraki still could only
think about Todoroki's pain over Dabi.

Katsuki looks down to the ground floor where some students walk around, enjoying their lunch break. It's a long way down and, suddenly, the dizzying height makes a memory resurface in his brain.
/"Why don't you take a swan dive and pray you're born with a quirk in your next life?"/

Maybe Katsuki lost his chance with Deku way before Todoroki showed up in the picture.

Maybe he has never been worthy of Deku's love.
Katsuki stays at the rooftop way past the end of lunch break that day.

***
(Tbc)
(Also, anyone who gets to the end of this thread after reading all the initial warnings will have my eternal love for being so strong and brave â€đŸ˜­)
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