1/9
Confession: I am painfully human. Painfully. (This thread ends well btw)

I have PTSD, ADHD, an eating disorder, and bipolar disorder (among other things). I've been in a hypomanic state for a while.

I don't sleep much, mostly due to that, and to avoid vivid night terrors.
2/9
I'm waiting for the crash. It should happen relatively soon (by summer) and I'm mostly prepared for it. It happens every year around the same time. I'm not looking forward to it. I wish I were normal. I really should see a doctor. I'm going to see a doctor. Ugh.
3/9
I can go into detail, but the short of it is — I'm trying to vocalize that I'm not perfect, and I intensely loathe that. I have chronic struggles, and I don't like to talk about them, because I don't want people I care about to worry about me.

I carry SO MUCH self-hate.
4/9
I don't like to remind myself that I am not yet the person I want to be — the one I doubt I will ever be. I get closer, but it's literally impossible to be perfect. I've finally accepted that I'm "good enough," you know? I'm alright. That's a huge step for me. I'm not trash.
5/9
I'm a constant work in progress. And that's okay. I'm learning that self-esteem isn't a bad thing, or a necessary evil. It's okay to be okay, or at least, working towards that. It's okay to want to store that and thrive.

So, positivity time.
6/9
Despite my humanity, in spite of my issues, I'm doing okay. I work in a field I love. I have time to learn, set goals, and reach them. I have AMAZING partners. I do things that scare me (like posting this).

And I am of service, which is one of my biggest purposes in life.
7/9
There are still things I'm not comfortable doing just yet; there's stuff I wanna say, that's germane to this thread, but I'm not there yet. Buy every time I say "yet," it gets a little easier to envision getting there one day.

I'll get there.
8/9
The person I am today is wildly different from who I imagined ten years ago. 5 years ago. I'm really interested in meeting the me off 5 years in the future. 10 years. Is she a doctor yet? Did she publish and open-source that process? Has she helped humanity?

Isn't that wild?
9/9
Despite my humanity, I'm doing okay. I'll keep getting better. Idk about reaching perfection, and I doubt I'll ever shrug off the pressure I feel, or snuff the fire that drives me, but that's probably okay.

Just, if this resonates with you, we'll be okay. 💙

That's all. ^_^
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