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Okay I’ve seen a lot of discourse around the ‘are trans people lovable’ argument and I want to add my thoughts, as someone who was seriously affected by this mindset until very recently... 
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TW // transphobia, gaslighting, manipulative behaviour, abuse
CW // swearing
I’ve been in three relationships since I came out (back in 2015): the relationship I was in when I was first out, the three year relationship that ended early last year, and my current relationship.
CW // swearing
I’ve been in three relationships since I came out (back in 2015): the relationship I was in when I was first out, the three year relationship that ended early last year, and my current relationship.
The first two relationships were with cis men, my current relationships is with another trans man (I’ll elaborate on why this is important information later on.)
My first partner, the boy I was dating when I first came out, was vile. I’ll not go into it in detail, but at that point in my life, I was in a very bad place mentally and he made it significantly worse.
He would constantly tell me I was ‘lucky’ that he’d stayed with me after my coming out, that no one else would ever love me because I was trans, and the relationship ended because he turned around one day and told me he was straight, because I ‘didn’t really count’ as a boy.
I am still dealing with the long term affects of the way he treated me, he made me feel unlovable in a way that I’m only just starting to unlearn.
Around the same time that I was in this relationship, I was coming out to the different people in my life, and I cannot count the number of times people asked me to reconsider my decision to come out, because it would make finding a partner really difficult.
I just want to take a moment to say to any newly out trans people reading this: that is utter bullshit. Being true to yourself is one of the best things you can do, because first of all you don’t NEED a partner, self love is more important than that.
Also, if you are true to yourself, it makes it easier to find a partner because then you know that they truly love you for YOU, and that will help you build a relationship with them that is truly healthy and enriches both of your lives.
Anyway, my second relationship was with another cis boy, he wasn’t as vile as my ex, but he certainly had his faults. He would often tell me about the really transphobic things his family had said about me, but left me alone when I tried to stand up for myself against them.
He claimed to be a trans ally, but used me as his only source of information on trans issues, and one of the worst things he did when we were together was to ditch me, at a Trans Day of Remembrance vigil that we’d planned to attend together.
I was left in the freezing cold to mourn all the trans people we’d lost that year, and when I called him out on it, he gaslight me to hell, telling me that it was unfair that I’d even asked him to go in the first place.
That it was such a depressing thing, and that the reality of the danger that trans people face day to day in this world was something he didn’t want to think about and that I had upset him by forcing him to think about it.
I knew I didn’t love him, I knew I deserved better than the way he treated me, but I stayed with him for longer than I should have because I truly believed if I left him I’d be alone forever, and that no one else would ever love me.
Eventually, the relationship did end, and I learned that actually it’s better to be alone and loving yourself than in a bad relationship. I became my own ideal man, and decided that I wasn’t going to seriously date anyone for a while, and just focus on loving myself.
Then the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen commented on one of my TikToks, I slid into hid DM’s, with friendly intentions at first, but then very quickly realised we were going to be much more than friends.
I fell completely head over heels in love with him, in a way that I have never experienced before. This time, there was no catch. He shows me off to the people around him, stands up for me against anyone who disrespects me without a moment of hesitation.
He took the time to get to know all of me, listens happily when I get excited and go on long ass tangents about things, he tells me multiple times a day that he loves me and how beautiful I am. Seriously, he’s gonna give me a god complex if he doesn’t stop!! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit Freudentränen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Freudentränen">
But, perhaps most importantly of all, because he is also a trans man, we have a deep understanding, respect, and love for each other that I have never felt from a cis person.
Now, I’m never going to be in another relationship, but I wish I’d known how beautiful t4t love can be back when I first came out. Being with him, I’ve been able to express myself in a way that doesn’t cater at all to cis people, and that has been so freeing for me.
I’m not saying don’t date cis people, because I have plenty of trans friends with absolutely wonderful cis partners. What I am saying is, if you’re going to put time and effort into a cis person, make sure they’re an ally.
None of that performative ‘my partner is trans so I’m automatically an ally’ bullshit. Someone who actually takes the time and makes the effort to do the work to support you, and stand up for all trans people.
A summary:
You are so unbelievably worthy of love. Don’t let this world tell you otherwise. Being trans is such a beautiful thing and anyone that doesn’t love and appreciate you for all of you doesn’t deserve a place in your life. You are lovable.
You are so unbelievably worthy of love. Don’t let this world tell you otherwise. Being trans is such a beautiful thing and anyone that doesn’t love and appreciate you for all of you doesn’t deserve a place in your life. You are lovable.
One last thing.
@read_with_reid thank you. I know I tell you this every day, and you’ll shout and me for thanking you, but the love you give me every single day puts the biggest smile on my face.
With you, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I love all of you with all my heart.
@read_with_reid thank you. I know I tell you this every day, and you’ll shout and me for thanking you, but the love you give me every single day puts the biggest smile on my face.
With you, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I love all of you with all my heart.
(If you went to school with me, or know me irl, don’t be a dick and bring the names of my ex’s into this. I’m done with them, that’s why I chose not to name them. It’s not to protect them, it’s because I don’t have any desire to have them in my life.)
