Thread by @sun_flowerkith, Non-Monogamy Word Vomit Thread:-This is just me talking, keep in mind that [...]

Non-Monogamy Word Vomit Thread:
-This is just me talking, keep in mind that generalizations are harmful
-Ur welcome to talk with me!! I like hearing other takes
-I don't expect anyone to sit down n read this, this is for me

I started this bc I was Thinking about the idea of affection and intimacy w/ friends, n how the mononormative/Nuclear/Sex Is Shameful mindset we've been brought up in has been Damning to so many generations, not just mine.....like whewi

I think the main issues I see right off the bat are:
-Christianity's link to sex n pleasure as sinful
-the 75 year old Nuclear Family/Suburbia/Picket Fence Life
-Slutshaming culture n' it's prominence directed at queer/black/minority spaces
-The Relationship Escalator*

*the relationship escalator is the metaphorical projection of the nuclear family plot: Date, Move In, Get Married, Have Kids, Send Those Kids To College, Rinse n Repeat. It's harmful n puts unnecessary pressure on the pace of romantic relationships*

N' this is very general but these really cn't be split up, all of our circumstances are intertwined n untangling them is unnecessary. Its just what I can pick out right now.

I think it's also n issue with the generalization of certain topics instead of what it is: a decision between 2 consenting people who have n interpersonal relationship with each other.

From my point of view, the conflict that I see both online n in person is that when someone sees the phrase "'m going to kiss/fuck/marry all my homies", of which the frequency has increased due to pandemmy, it's very easy for people to think that that or anything akin//

//to that (i.e. "I want to fuck all my friends, they're so hot, oh my god") literally means "Friendship with me requires all forms of physical intimacy, including sex, n that is a non-negotiable part of being my friend" which.....is not true for a laundry list of reasons

The first reason being that that's unreasonable, full stop.
Second reason is that whether you want it to or not it builds a wall between you n that person because of how you suddenly view the way they live their life (in this case it's obvi neg)

The third being that the literal translation that runs through people's heads, n I do not omit myself from this, has a direct correlation to all the issues I listed above. The idea that sex is a limited and sacred act, the idea that sex is for people who are riding //

//the relationship escalator n that it must least to romantic affiliation, and commonly, the idea that expressing sexual openness sets a bad example, as individuals that are part of a minority are frequently forced to represent that identity as a whole, have a GORILLA GRIP on us

This creates, personally, a complicated mix of abandonment of the old n adornment of the new (or not-so new if you've read any nonmonogamist history)

On this topic though I think that it's important, if you are open in that way, to sit and have those conversations with people you want to be physically intimate with. Don't get me wrong, I love "heat of the moment, no words needed," as much as the next person, but like--

The lot of my friend group is full of neurodivergent and mentally ill people with high anxiety who misinterpret or straight up don't understand nonverbal ques and hints. So as hard as those conversations are, if your relationships (friends, dating, w/e) cannot benefit from//

The open communication you can extend to a partner/someone you're "supposed" to have those conversations with, and that's something you NEED to talk about in your friendships no matter the outcome, I don't think it would hurt to reevaluate some things

(I'll definitely add more to this thread later but my brain is done for tonight xoxo)

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