1/ Dear colleague/friend,

The thing about ADHD, and the thing a lot of folks without ADHD don't seem to grasp is that it is not simply a matter of trying harder. We already try a lot harder than folks without ADHD, because we have to, often just to tread water in our lives.

2/ You might not see it because if we burn our thrusters at maximum, we manage to keep up with the world... until we don't. Then what you see is someone who you think has taken their foot off the proverbial gas pedal and maybe you think we don't care.

3/ You certainly think that when we forget a conversation you had with us the day before, or we missed a meeting, lost track of the time, or ended up engaged in side tasks at the periphery of our work, instead of the big thing you needed.

4/ You might see us being chronically disorganized, misplacing the items we need to do our jobs (even get to our jobs -- hello transit pass!). All this looks a lot like we just don't have our shit together, and you think "They just need to be more organized".

5/ The important thing to realise is that caring, motivation, and just having an organizational mindest isn't the problem, but that there are fundamental differences in the ways our brains manage and process information, and how we engage on tasks.

6/ I lost count of the number of times in my life, that a teacher, or someone else in my life ascribed these simple remedies to me. My grade 8 science teacher, told me when I said I'd try get an assignment done this time, you've already failed by only trying.

7/ My psych coined the name "asshole yoda" for this guy, and he didn't intend to be an asshole, but these things hurt people with ADHD, BECAUSE WE ARE ALREADY TRYING SO DAMNED HARD. I used to struggle with my homework. I'd forgotten how much, until my older sister reminded me.

8/ "You used to be up until 2am almost every night trying to get your work done." she told me when I approached her as I needed input from someone who knew me when I was younger as a part of my ADHD assessment. I tried... trying is never the problem or the solution with ADHD.

9/ One of the most trying things is how unpredictable our brains can be. Activation is a serious issue. This is engaging on a task. This doesn't just apply to things mundane that we might not want to do, but to things we want and desperately need to do as well.

10/ Self-care can be incredibly difficult. There's days where if it wasn't for the consideration of others I would not eat. Self-hygiene is hard, we often struggle to keep up with basic tasks for our own well being.

11/ If you feel neglected because we forgot to call you, we probably haven't eaten anything either. I ghosted my own mother for two weeks while living two minutes walk away from her. I'd also neglected to bathe, forgotten my medication, missed meals. Not personal.

12/ We are more prone to negative health outcomes because follow strict instructions are difficult. I don't know how many times I've completed a course of antibiotics, I forgot even for a serious infection that nearly destroyed a finger.

13/ We try and try to be organized, endlessly trying different methods. Lists, trellos, post-its.

14/ Persistence, in the immediate absence is an issue for ADHDers as well, we can be so proud of making a list of things we need to do, only to never visit that list again, out of sight, out of mind.

Forming and sticking to routines would help, too but can be difficult.

15/ After 3 months I have a coherent breakfast routine, which requires me rigidly doing exactly the same things every day, and not engaging in any other thing until each step is completed.

16/ This mammoth expenditure of effort means a lot of days I manage to end up with meds, rice bubbles and coffee in me. Unless I forget the bowl of cereal exists (I wish this were a joke). Rice Bubbles are something I've learned to appreciate soggy.

17/ Most ADHDers are perpetually stressed and anxious.

18/ If you had the world constantly telling you what an unmotivated sack you were, lamenting how you don't care, and fighting a brain while feeling that simple tasks should be, well, simple, you'd spend a lot of time anxious too.

19/ You might think giving us a hard time will help and motivate us to do better. But it just makes us feel bad, and we don't need your help with that. Honestly, we already have a lifetime of colorful insults we can hurl at ourselves.

We do the best we can.

Love,
Your ADHDer.

Some addition thoughts (times/situations) I've managed better with ADHD, some positives. Simple ways one can help an ADHDer (hint: accept it is real). https://twitter.com/ndpoet/status/1387150551901622276