My mother is visiting. Ask her mostly anything!

“Yes, I admit I gave birth to him and am probably responsible for his sick sense of humor.”
"THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS PROUD!" She's spreading her arms like Jesus on the cross.
(She's Jewish, and thus responsible for the crucifixion.)
"I love long hair on a man." Then she winked. And now I'm extremely uncomfortable.
"There were early indications, but then I started spending more time in the principal's office defending him than I did taking him to the park."
"You mean how I felt about ill-equipped people who had no idea how to handle my son? Not great."
She just described S3 and called it "Foot Locker by Amazon."

I just got upstaged something *FIERCE* by my own mother.
"Forget commit, he was incredible at disagreeing."
"He appeared in a basket on my doorstep, what else was I going to do? I recognize potential so I didn't throw him to the wolves."
"Thank you so much, I'm extremely proud of him. Almost as proud as I was when he super-glued his bully's locker shut in high school. It's not why he got thrown out, but frankly it belongs on his résumé."
"So many things, but he's feeding me this week so I have to behave myself."
"I have no idea what he actually does, so I don't really know what ten years is going to change."
"Easy: @bequinning."
"Corey has explained this to me countless times. I smile and nod, and have no idea on God's green earth what he does."
"What he does with his hair is none of my business."
"He memorized 'The Giant Jam Sandwich' when he couldn't have been more than three years old."
"I can't think of a more endearing way to describe him. Thank you."
"The time he corrected a middle school teacher's spelling, she said he was wrong, he came back with a dictionary, she said the dictionary was wrong, and he just stared at her with a look of pity."
“Take five steps backwards, a couple of deep breaths, and have faith that he’ll do well for himself.”
“Since he got his life where he wants it as an adult (his biggest achievement!), I don’t see him making too many mistakes. Mostly because he doesn’t call me enough.”
You can follow @QuinnyPig.
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