Is it possible to retreat from grief into depression?

I googled it. Keep getting sites about treating depressions with wellness retreats. Not what I mean.

I lost my mom in 2018. We didn’t have a good relationship. When she died, my grief was complex and overwhelming.

I’ve been depressed ever since. I feel like I finally may be coming out of it. Maybe because of the right medication.

I know it sounds corny, I know it sounds like I’m trying to be poetic or something, but now that my depression may be lifting, I feel the grief there. Waiting for me.

Is it possible I ran into depression because it was easier to deal with than grief?

Death is stupid. Grief is stupid. I’m tired of feeling nothing but hopelessness and close cousins to hopelessness.

I guess I should write about it. Everything else is useless. Why not do that too?