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I've been thinking a lot about the tougher interpersonal dynamics from my old career, and wanted to share some lessons learned. That's not to claim I'm great at any of this (most of it was learned from failures), but maybe it's helpful, and not just self indulgent platitudes.
1. Compromise, but not on your reputationâor worseâyour integrity. I spent a career navigating complex tradeoffs and rarely got the exact outcomes I wanted, but I made progress on what I believed in and never put my effort or name behind anything that conflicted with my values.
2. Don't drink the Kool-Aidâ˘. Be honest in assessing your side's decisions and motivationsâand build team cultures that encourage introspection. Don't assume that you're in the rightâor will be perceived as suchâbecause that path leads to misguided zealotry and appeals to spite.
3. Agree or disagree, but either way commit. Don't fall into the passive-aggressive trap of relitigating a decision that's been made. New information is a different story (see #2), but absent that, either commit to the decision or commit to an exit from the situation (see #1).
4. Opposition â Enemy. I don't have many regrets, but most involve the times I opted for a "sick burn" or otherwise demonized the other side in a conflict. On the other hand, some of my greatest accomplishments involved resisting that urge, and finding a productive compromise.
5. Trust but verify. Give people an honest chance to independently prove themselves, and put in the effort to accurately assess. I've slipped up on both ends of this oneânot giving a chance in the first place, or getting burned by not following up to verify when I should have.
6. Know the boundaries of your expertise. I've fallen for the mirage of an easy answer to a hard problemâwhen really I was just out of my depth. I've also had such misconceptions aimed at me. Productive engagement means admitting what you don't know, and leaving space for nuance.
7. Don't be a jerk or tolerate jerks. We all have our faults that we need to keep in check (I can be snarky, judgemental, and short tempered). The problem with jerks is that they choose to be ignorant of, or just don't care about how their faults impact the people around them.
8. Be generous with praise and thoughtful with criticism. I often struggled with the "praise" part, but the truth is it's critical for a healthy team. As for thoughtful criticism, it still needs to be honest and direct, but keep #7 in mind while delivering it.
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