Thread by @MathushanV00001, Things that run in my mind on a daily basis A thread [...]

Things that run in my mind on a daily basis
A thread

I& #39;m still in the shadow of my ancestors. My grandfathers one being the biggest priest in our temple and the other a bank manager to biggest bank in sri lanka.

Here I am still not able to vision myself as a medico.

My parents were supposed to have a 2nd child and was killed by jealous family members. And to think I was also supposed to be killed but got away with it. The reason for it so that my dad& #39;s properties would go to brothers& #39; children.

On the flip side I became the last grandchild on my father& #39;s side. And the first grand child on my mom& #39;s side. I should set an example. I was well pampered by the family members who truly love me and I feel like I& #39;m letting them down.

I didn& #39;t really care about relationships, I& #39;ve never thought of giving that much importance. Only because I have so much carrying on my shoulders. I kept tipping my toe and never really putting my foot down. I& #39;m not the type of guy who just wants sex, I don& #39;t go after every girl.

I don& #39;t flirt not atleast what I think I do. I do joke around and this one time in cegep in a class I joked to a girl and I guess she had feelings for me. My friend and I were aware of it. She would nod to my friend and then say hi to him when I& #39;m there. She would turn and expect

me to say hi back. I never said anything I just looked at the floor and the ceiling. It frightens me that it might karma for mistreating people poorly when they have feelings for me. Which is why I probably can& #39;t be in a relationship.

Sometimes I just wanna say how much I& #39;ve become a better person, that I& #39;ve gotten through my depression.I can& #39;t shake that feeling that I& #39;m still a work in progress, and that maybe I& #39;m not at the best version of myself yet. Atleast not what I envisioned myself to be.

Losing my dad was such a hard thing to overcome. He was such a kind hearted person. All he did was help others. He was one of the first to come to Canada and brought alot of his family here. And yet they stab him in the back and set him aside.

I grew up alone no brothers no sisters. It was just me. Loneliness was always a friend. I had a good set of friends and yet I was abandoned by some of them for no proper reason, and they talked behind me back. Months later I figured out why, it was hard to digest.

I kept my mouth shut for years all because I believed that if I told anyone no one would believe me.

I have alot of friends today and they& #39;re truly the kindest people. They truly have my back.

I have the hardest time expressing myself, I feel vulnerable if I do. I have severe trust issues, I& #39;m terrified someone might stab me in the back, I can& #39;t let me guard down. I fear people would just walk out of my life. Especially after family members, friends, and

my dad aren& #39;t a part of it anymore. This is a serious problem I have this why I can& #39;t get into a relationship, I can& #39;t trust a woman to not walk out of my life. Just like that. It& #39;s a paranoid feeling.

After my dad& #39;s kidney transplant I thought things would finally get normal. We can all travel like we promised no more of his business taking a toll of our family. Even some family members were starting to realise to listen to both sides of the story.

They were ready to apologize and come back. Especially after my grandmother died and things were coming to a close. Realizing their mistakes. And today it& #39;s too late for them because they needed to apologize isn& #39;t alive no more.

Here comes my anger.

One of my dad& #39;s brother didn& #39;t even show up to my dad& #39;s funeral and lives within the city. My dad left his studies in Neatherlands &took care of him after his wife ran off with another man because he was too busy getting drunk falling asleep in the metro.

My dad then got him to re-marry (arrange marriage) and sponsored the bride. Only for her to try to kill me in my mother& #39;s womb. While she was pregnant. She separated the family and along with my grandma making up fake stories that never happened. And brain washing her.

Years later my grandma was at the hospital and my dad and I had were there to have an appointment with the doctor to clear things up. And my dad& #39;s brother and his wife and daughter show up and cause a scene and claiming that my dad only wants to take care my grandma for....

Pension money. Him and wife and daughter proceeds to try to intimidate me and make lash out. So that I become the bad person in the family and end up in trouble with the hospital. He disrespected all what my dad did for his brother and the sacrifice he did.

One of the things my dad left behind was a lesson. I learnt this when he was alive from his experiences, but only solidified after his death.

The lesson is that Respect is a very expensive commodity. I shouldn& #39;t give it to people that wouldn& #39;t give it back.
There& #39;s an old saying in tamil.
This translates into " Don& #39;t put foot in people& #39;s doorstep if they don& #39;t respect you"

Whomever took the time to look at this thread. Thank you. This was just therapeutic for me to share my thoughts. It took alot of me to share all of this. I do feel vulnerable about all of this, some may even troll me it was inconsistent. I wrote it in hopes of feeling better.

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