anyone got advice for not spiraling into depression upon reflecting on the fact that our fucked up systems have their roots in dumb human psychological and physiological quirks and that because of them people will be shitty to each other regardless of what systems we form?

cause i’m doing that right now *whips and nae-naes*

i just hate disagreements. as a whole. it’s important to stand up and object to things especially right now but it’s so draining to me sometimes. i don’t like fighting with other people. just thinking about it makes me feel like shit. yet i spend so much time thinking about it.

i’m strongly in the materialist camp, both in the natural sense and the dialetical sense, but the dread both concepts place one me dominates my day-to-day. just makes things seem so unalterable and hopeless sometimes.

in the end i just want myself and everyone else to be happy. but that doesn’t come to pass until we break down both social and economic barriers to that. materialism doesn’t inspire that much hope in me that that’ll happen any time soon. which suuuuuuuuuuuuucks.

critical theory is invaluable in analyzing systemic issues. but since i learned about it growing up (not by name just a vague idea) the vastness of those systemic issues has dominated my psyche. any efforts to find joy feel in vain. which blows. would not recommend to a friend.

all of this leaves me unmotivated and afraid, honestly. i’m hesitant to put myself out there, both for big things like social movements and little things like social gatherings. i’ve become a hermit on instinct. and that’s not who i want to be. that’s not who i am.

wow this turned into way more of a thing than i thought it would ok uh sorry for dumping a vent thread on your timeline and thanks for reading if you read it all

wanna get smart enough where i can write about that draining feeling. how, in search of improving human happiness and well-being, people can be torn apart by hyperfixating on colossal, crushing, and seemingly immovable systemic issues. and end up worse off than ever.

gonna turn this thread into an essay or article or something someday. maybe right now, fuck it. definitely coming out a lot easier than this urbanization essay