"This @RosecityAntifa group is starting to worry me," said @TedWheeler while standing in front of the smoldering remains of downtown Portland. "I think it's time to start arresting these people before they take to the streets and start... https://babylonbee.com/news/portland-mayor-announces-plans-to-crack-down-on-antifa-before-it-gets-out-of-hand

...damaging property and terrorizing people. If we don't do something soon, it might get ugly." Reporters pressed @TedWheeler to explain why he had taken the side of the fascists, considering #Antifa means "anti-fascist" which means anyone who opposes them is a fascist.

"Yes, this is a disturbing thought," replied @TedWheeler. "It bothers me to consider that I may be a fascist now. I think the answer is to oppose @RoseCityAmtifa with our cherished progressive values like love, tolerance, and diversity. And gulags."