Many of us have had to deal with grief and loss in some form recently, perhaps in more than one form. We often talk about how grief manifests differently for everyone. You can know that, but still be surprised by how it manifests differently for you, even from moment to moment.

It might be insomnia for a while and then suddenly you are sleeping all the time. It might be extreme lethargy at one moment and then suddenly become mania. It might be loss of appetite and then become comfort eating. This can change from day to day or hour to hour.

Grief also often (usually?) comes with a feeling of helplessness, and not being able to predict how your grief may change from moment to moment can intensify that feeling of helplessness. You have no control over what your body and emotions may experience, and that is hard.

While you are in it, it may not be helpful to hear that there's nothing you can do but just accept that you will feel bad for a while, that all you can do is just ride it out. But that's unfortunately the truth.

Still, you can also hold two things in you at the same time. You can't control your grief or what it will do to you or for how long. But you can still know that it will not last forever, and that you will get through it.

And, sometimes, just being open to the experience and letting it run its course, all while keeping in mind that it's a normal process that will run its course, can help. It may or may not speed up the process, but it may be easier to tolerate or understand.

Some losses and the associated grief never fully go away. Sometimes you may have a long period where you feel fine, and then suddenly it may hit you all over again. This doesn't mean you haven't healed. It just means that you are alive and that you have the capacity to love.

Ultimately this is what grief is. It is a reminder that you have loved deeply enough that the loss of what you have loved hurts. And though it doesn't feel this way when you are in it, I think it is truly a beautiful thing that you have loved so deeply.

If you are suffering through grief and loss, try to be gentle with yourself. Remember that there is no one way to grieve, that you are not doing it wrong. It's okay that it's hard, and you are not weak or broken because it is hard.

And I know this may be difficult for many people but if you are suffering through grief, tell someone. For me this is really hard because I don't want to burden people and I don't want to overstep boundaries. But grief and its pain are so much worse when you think you're alone.

I can't tell you who in your life is the person or people you should tell. I don't know you or your life. But I feel certain that none of us are truly as alone as we feel. Perhaps it's a family member or a friend. Perhaps its a therapist. Maybe it's some kind of crisis hotline.

Maybe you have to start by saying "I need to tell you this and it will be a lot. You don't have to say anything back, I just need to tell someone so I'm not alone." That's okay. But tell someone. You may be surprised at how much support is available to you.

If you're not going through grief and loss right now, that's wonderful, truly. I hope you will keep all of this in mind for when it does happen. And if you are going through it now, just know you're not alone. I hope you can get what you need.