Thinking about how nothing has "radicalized" me about racism like moving from jobs that were either behind the scenes or very limited in client interaction to a customer-service type job with a predominantly wealthy and conservative client pool.

I obviously experienced shit before, especially when I was really young, but the benefit of being an introvert who never leaves the house is that I got pretty good at curating my own daily experience. But when you work customer service you don't get that luxury.

People will say shit to and around you, and there's nothing you can do to challenge it. Having to listen to dehumanizing statements about minorities, especially BPOC and Central Asians (who are well-represented in healthcare) became inescapable.

(I also get stuck in a surprising number of discussions about race science and how affirmative action is oppressing whites. Just outstanding.)

It got really bad around 2014 with the murder of Michael Brown. Ferguson isn't that far away from the office, and it brought out the worst in people. There were at least two literal screaming matches. One patient made a sickening remark about the value of Brown's life.

And once BLM began to gain prominence, I began to experience people trying to use MY OWN race to convince me it was fine to devalue others. I had a lot of experience with backhanded "it's a compliment" shit, but never active attempts to weaponize the model minority trash.

Through all this I'm the only POC in the office. I make an effort to educate people if they ask, and while it goes relatively well it's incredibly stressful because once you start speaking on the subject of race you become the proxy for all minorities.

It wasn't helped by my grandfather's illness around this time period and seeing how he was treated. The epitome was probably the ambulance ride to the rehab center, where the driver first asked if he spoke English and then segued into 15 minutes of antiblackness. Cool.

I'm not going to get into the 2016 election and the Sinophobia of 2020. Just know that's also about the time my mom started opening up about some of her experiences.

Did this thread have a point? I don't know. I guess I'm just tired. I've been tired for a long time.

Anyway, I'm taking a day off this week, and thank god.