So I’ve just been sent a release for a campaign for a bottled water company. The’ve done a tie up with Pantone so there’s now a simple colour match for your urine, which, unsurprisingly, encourages you to buy more bottled water.

There’s all the usual unscientific voodoo piffle about how many glasses we should drink per day. Unsurprisingly they’ve discovered that many people think they should drink more and the only thing stopping them is a busy lifestyle.
But this is merely an infuriating aside to...

... the main feature... a kind of Farrow & Ball Pee Swatch. Here’s the thing... we should all be peeing clear. Our aim in life is supposed to be colourless piss.
You know when it’s *yellow* right? Well that’s TOXINS and they are bad.

I look at my pee most mornings without the

...reminder. And when it’s yellow I sometimes think ‘Thank god for kidneys’ or ‘Yay metabolism’ or sometimes, if I’m feeling particularly philosophical ‘wow’ look at all those toxins - that I just naturally excreted!’

At some point we’ve actually managed to convince a...

...generation of self-obsessed Goop readers that if they spend enough money, they can literally piss expensive mineral water and flush it away, unadulterated.

I only worry when my pee is a) black and tarry b) visibly eating its way through the bowl or c) contains crystals.