Every message trans people receive from culture tells us we cannot be loved — from films depicting men throwing up about our bodies, to violence blamed on us for existing, etc — but over the 20 years of my transition I’ve been so relieved to discover that this is not at all true.

It’s not just that “trans ppl deserve love.” The truth is that trans ppl are loved, in all the messy and complicated ways that love so often entails. Whether with cis ppl or w/ other trans ppl, we build + often sustain deeply committed, loving relationships in this hostile world.

There will always be some people who will never love us, and indeed internalizing the message that we “cannot be loved” often pushes us into unhealthy and abusive relationships. But this is not the totality of our experience and is not a measure of our worth.

I have, like many trans women, wrestled with the cultural message that I’m “unloveable” and ended up accepting men who abused me. Unlearning that message helped me see my (and all of our) inherent worth, and begin finding partners who treat me with love, dignity, and respect.

I don’t blame anyone who is currently feeling the harsh end of those cultural messages. It’s wrenching and I’ve been there myself. But I promise you there is another world out there when you unlearn the notion that you are inherently unloveable.