Yesterday, someone wrote in, she was frustrated because her step kids haven’t accepted her after 5 years of marrying their father.

I’ll share my private response with her.

I lost mama at the age of 22. I was an adult, the last thing on my mind was calling someone else “mummy.”

Still, dad had to begin dating again, my siblings and I didn’t think much of it, the guy deserved another shot at companionship, plus it made us happy he wasn’t going to be by himself at home all the time, everyone was happy.

Dad’s lady was dad’s lady, we didn’t associate any...

personal or emotional feelings to her, until she began to try too hard.

Why was she being overly nice and telling us we could call her anytime we wanted to, that she was there for us? What was this woman trying to do?

All of us kids are adults but her kind, well-meaning...

intention wasn’t received well.

Deep down, we knew she just wanted to form a bond, emotionally we pushed back, HARD. Stop it ma, face your boyfriend,leave us alone!

My siblings and I discussed it, we all agreed she didn’t have bad intentions, we all agreed she was overstepping.

You see, our resistance towards her wasn’t really about her, it was simple: anyone who tried to act like our mother or made an attempt to replace her would be committing a grave offence. Mama was irreplaceable, she meant too much to us, we would never understand.

Dad and the lady eventually broke up, it wasn’t because of us, things just didn’t work out. This wasn’t our problem, we moved on.

Some years later, Dad got into another relationship. First thing we noticed, asides from the fact that she and dad got along well, was the respect.

No show of love or affection towards us, just respect. She was nice but never intrusive. She treated dad nicely and she gave us our space. It was as though she understood what it meant to carry a life long grief.

She would call on birthdays,holidays and when we couldn’t pick up,

she’d send a text. It was obvious, she wanted nothing back, not even a relationship. Her boyfriend came with a whole adult baggage and she made it easy for everyone by not trying to be OUR MOTHER.

Now, we ask after her, shop for her when we travel and absolutely respect her.

If you find yourself in a situation where you have to act as a stepmother, don’t!

Let time bridge the gap between you and them,don’t show affection and love to someone/people who don’t spare you any thought,you’ll come across as trying too hard.

You can’t replace their mother.

Respect their grief, respect that they lost a unified home, understand that they’ll hurt for a long time. Do not entertain disrespect also, if you have a good spouse, he’ll also make sure his kids treat you with respect. Stay back, let their dad deal with them.

When you do these, they’ll respect you. They’ll come to you and with time, begin to love you as communication improves.

You’re amazing for trying to create a relationship with your stepkids but let go of your need to be recognized, step-parenting isn't a popularity contest.