There is no ‘fun’ isolation replacement for clubbing and casual sex.

No amount of weed, alcohol, or takeout food can fill the void of smelling a hot guy from across the bar, getting closer, realizing he’s one of your exes, and taking him home to fuck anyway.

I miss waking up the next afternoon crying cause I always wake up alone and hate myself, then going out and doing it again. Meeting someone new was always so exciting. Were they going to murder me or was this going to be the best dick of my life? Probably neither.

I miss stepping out of a $3 Uber from a few hundred feet away and turning down poppers, a phone number, and giving change all in the same 30 seconds.

I miss doing shots at the shooter bar with my friends and then having 4 random cis girls tell me how much they love RuPaul’s Drag Race.

I miss crashing Bachelorette parties, being added to all their social media’s and then seeing them happily married months later.

I miss having deep heart to heart conversations, after the bar closed, with people who unfortunately passed away during the pandemic. RIP

Most of all I miss actually feeling entertained, spontaneous, and like I was part of a physical community who supported me as a woman, gendered me correctly and treated me like one of their own.

I love my blood family in spite of how much they refuse to she/her me and treat me as a woman, but I miss my chosen family more than anything. I’m sad to think these vaccines are too little too late and it is going to be years before I see them again, if it will ever be the same.