Read on Twitter
I think a lot of people are upset by this but speaking from a place of honesty I feel understood by this take. I'm sure it's not the same for all people with trauma but I find my likeability feels often like a kind of masking, and regulating my reaction to rejection sucks https://twitter.com/myeshxa/status/1386386725698682881
"I'm" very likeable because crafting a charming persona is a defense mechanism stemming from some shit. Whenever that mask starts to slip I feel like people think I'm too much— because I often am! And it makes me feel like a manipulative person to mask like this so constantly
I understand that this is not the case for all people, but I also feel like as a traumatized person I'm often seeking communities and relationships I hope to behave authentically in but often find I am just not able to be fully safe or myself
And that's not always down to anything other than me and the pain and fear I'm still carrying around. I often feel frustrated that it feels like I can't just say "I'm afraid people won't like the real me because the real me has been scared and upset for like thirty years now."
I don't know that the mask isn't also me, though, isn't the part of me that I like and want to aspire to be for the people around me. I do often feel like people like a version of me that I'm not always embodying, like I'm split into many pieces and layers
It's hard to explain and I don't think it's true for everyone, but idk, it's a feeling I go through
