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I don& #39;t know what [trigger] warnings to put because it& #39;s vague as it happened years ago so please bear with me.
As far as I can remember, what happened was consensual. I consented. But then, I remembered how pressured I was to & #39;give in& #39;.
As far as I can remember, what happened was consensual. I consented. But then, I remembered how pressured I was to & #39;give in& #39;.
That at the heat/middle of the moment, I was regretting my decision so I pulled away. I felt so uncomfortable because it felt like it was a decision I wasn& #39;t entirely comfortable with.
It& #39;s been years pero tuwing naaalala ko siya, I can still feel the hand creeping up on my back, the room where it happened, and the people I was with. Because they all added to the pressure. Every moment in that place was carefully played so & #39;it& #39; could happen.
It was a simple make out, if I can recall correctly. Hindi pa nga yata & #39;yun make out. But a few minutes of it was enough to haunt me for the rest of my life. It was enough to make me feel disgusted with myself.
I was naive. So I didn& #39;t really know how to defend myself or to hold the people I was with accountable. Until now, hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano.
I was hesitant to share because it all boils down to how i gave my consent. But many other factors were in play, too.
Because aside from I didn& #39;t know I was getting played, I was in the middle of ruining a relationship, too. I was used so he could escape and I didn& #39;t know.
Because aside from I didn& #39;t know I was getting played, I was in the middle of ruining a relationship, too. I was used so he could escape and I didn& #39;t know.
That added to my guilt and disgust towards myself and the entire situation. Nagpatong-patong mga pagkakasala ko sa sarili ko at sa mga taong nadamay.
It creeps me out. It still does. Nasusuka ako. Diring-diri pa rin ako tuwing naaalala ko siya. Isa siyang bangungot. As I was typing this thread, I felt like a rock was lifted off my chest.
