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India’s covid crisis is beyond control. The health care system is hanging by a thread, and lifesaving medicines and oxygen are in short supply. The average Indian is doing orders of magnitude more than the elected officials. (1/n)
These past few weeks have been hard on Indians everywhere. They will continue to be hard for quite sometime. I want to share what they’ve been like for me. (2/n)
I& #39;m not sharing my experience because I think it& #39;s unique or special. But maybe voicing it will help me process it better. Maybe someone out here is feeling the same way. Maybe it will allow others to see what people living on this side of the world are going through (3/n)
I’ve been ANGRY at the inept officials of the Indian government & livid at their abject indifference to the on-going pandemic. Even in the midst of a humanitarian crisis, their sole concern seems to be publicity & silencing dissent. It’s shameful, appalling, & horrifying. (4/n)
It’s also ANXIETY provoking. I’ve struggled with anxiety for some time now. But in the last few weeks, I’ve experienced it to an extent I did not know existed. I can’t sleep, I can’t want to work. If I try to work, I can’t concentrate. (5/n)
Seeing the news or glancing at Instagram or Twitter are triggering. Shutting myself from the mayhem feels worse. Sometimes I feel weightless, drifting from one thought to another. At other times I feel burdened and paralyzed, unable to do anything. (6/n)
Coupled with my anxiety is unparalleled GUILT. Guilt at being safe, at having a roof over my head, and food at my table. I feel guilty for not working harder on my research. But I also feel guilty for worrying about work in the first place. (7/n)
I feel guilty if I do something that lets me to forget about this for a while because many don’t have the same privilege.I feel guilty as I write this because even having the time & space to express my experience is a luxury when it feels like the world is burning around me (8/n)
I’ve felt SCARED & HELPLESS. The task ahead feels daunting. I feel little and insignificant. But hiding my head in the sand won’t take away my feelings or the problem. So, I’ve started to do small things that help. Here’s a few of them: (9/n)
I& #39;ve started to verify helpful sources before forwarding them. People looking for help most likely have neither the time nor the emotional & mental bandwidth to try different numbers that may not work. Checking the veracity of resources before sending saves precious time. (10/n)
Donating and amplifying: Many organizations are working to provide meals, meds, & oxygen to those in need. If you want to help, go to: http://wehelpgive.org"> http://wehelpgive.org & see the COVID 19 tab. It has a list of verified organizations, descriptions of what they do, & ways to donate. (11/n)
Reaching out: This is an unusual time and most of us are feeling disoriented, sad, and isolated. At such a time, knowing that someone cares works like an elixir. So, I’ve been reaching out to friends and loved ones regularly. (12/n)
Sometimes it’s a simple ‘how are you feeling’ msg, at other times it’s a long chat. Some conversations are focused on the problem at hand while others are a temporary respite from the havoc. All, however, are important. We’re in this together. We’ll make it out together. (13/n)
Engaging with the awfulness of the pandemic can be anxiety and stress provoking. It has been for me and for a long time, it incapacitated me from doing anything. But then the penny dropped- I’m not helpless because local acts by individuals can produce global impact. (14/n)
Towards the end of the movie Finding Nemo, Nemo gets caught in a fish net along with hundreds of tuna fish. At first all the fish panic. Each tries to swim in its own direction, desperate to free itself. But to no avail. Then, Nemo asks them all to swim down. They do. (15/n)
As each fish does the same action locally, they together produce the global effect of pulling the fish net back down to the ocean floor. They escape! (16/n)
Today, we’re the fish trapped in the net. We could all swim in our own directions or we could band together and swim down. I’ve decided to do the latter and it’s helped assuage some of my anxiety and guilt. (17/n)
This doesn’t mean it’s the only way to do something. But it’s one way. So I& #39;m going to breathe, have faith, and just keep swimming. (n/n)
