Aims to keep smartphones & social media from kids are incompatible with objections to helicopter parenting and yet they are often made by the same people. Like it or not, the online world is part of the world & if you think kids should be 'freerange,' you need to accept that.
Yes, allowing kids to explore the internet may result in them experiencing psychological harm, just as allowing them to explore the outside world may result in them experiencing physical harm by, eg, falling out of trees.
But if we're going to be consistent about opposing 'safetyism' and teaching kids to be resilient and preparing them to deal with the real world, we have to accept that the online world is part of the real world & they'll need to learn some psychological toughness there too.
Obviously, if your child has serious problems with keeping themselves safe, you might need to take their phone or their bike or whatever away until they are more mature & can use them responsibly, but generally we should let them take some of their own risks.
I'm aware of the data showing that girls are more likely to be harmed in the online world & develop body image issues or be verbally bullied & boys are more likely to be harmed in the physical world & do risky things & get into physical fights.
But I don't think you should lock kids out of the internet anymore than you should lock them in the house to prevent them from being at any risk of either of these.
I think trying to stop adolescents from venturing into situations where they could face risks of harm is most likely to simply result in them doing it anyway and hiding it from you. Teenagers will explore the world & take risks. You can only guide them at all if they talk to you
I know that had social media existed when I was a kid & my parents had tried to stop me using it, it would only have increased my desire to do so & sneaking into social media to do something your parents wouldn't approve of is much easier than sneaking out of a window to do so
My daughter told me when someone sent her a dick pic & when someone threatened to 'stick a banana up your arse.' She also told me how she responded to both of those & this led me to feel reassured that she can take care of herself & will deal with arseholes in real life just fine
I know body image issues can also become a problem for girls who get too into social media but this is mean girl thing that exists in the real world too & girls who become obsessed with their weight & appearance probably need a therapist rather than banning from social media.
My daughter is not remotely susceptible to this. This isn't anything to do with my parenting, though. Her giving of zero fucks about what other people think of her appearance is all her. I've actually encouraged her to care a little more about her appearance but to no avail.
The time I bought her a little light make-up as a Christmas present just in case she might like to try it resulting in significant glaring & casting it aside to turn to more interesting (to her) presents of video games, manga & anime figures.
So, I think parents should know their child. If they have genuine reason to think they could develop significant body image problems or make bad choices with friends, address their tendency to do that as the problem. Don't just try to shut them out of social media.
I realise I've moved into talking solely about girls but the same principle applies to boys. If you have genuine fears they might seriously harm themselves with risky behaviour, address their tendency to do that as the problem, rather than shutting them indoors.
However, I don't see so many arguments for protecting boys from themselves by having blanket bans on potentially risky things in the circles within which I move. I see much more focus on the risks of social media on girls.
I also admit to worrying more about the tendency to assume girls are psychologically vulnerable & need protecting from influence even though statistically it is true that they're more likely to experience psychological distress, mental illness & suicide due to online bullying etc
I think we should be aware of these statistics in the same way we are aware that kids who are at risk of seriously endangering their physical safety to impress their friends with dangerous stunts are way more likely to be boys.
But I think this means we need to focus on ways to make girls who are more emotionally vulnerable & susceptible to body-image issues less so rather than banning potential triggers and also not assume that all girls are.
If I am any kind of feminist - person who cares about gender equality with a special focus on women & girls' issues - it is the kind who wants to oppose anything that presents girls & women as weak, fragile, in need of protection from ideas & susceptible to bad influences.
I want us to raise girls to reject victimhood narratives and feel more confident that they have the psychological strength to deal with shitty people & ideas & to resist pressure to conform to any beauty standards (most often imposed by other girls)
My daughter had one girl who kept telling her she was ugly & looked like a skeleton (my daughter is very slender despite eating like an 18 stone trucker) & she just thought how unfortunate it must be to have a personality that makes someone say things like that.
When I saw the girl who was doing this & noticed that she was very heavily made-up and slightly overweight, I was pretty sure it was she who was having the body image problem & my daughter was right to pity her & not take any of it to heart.
I am often in awe of how sensible & strong my daughter is and I really don't think I can take any credit for it. She's much psychologically tougher than I am. My therapist says this doesn't mean I didn't help her to become so, though.
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