Explained to my family how when they freely tell people they adopted us it automatically reinforces a divide I had already felt. It also gives people an unwarranted sense of entitlement to our stories.

My moms response? “You’re right and I never realized that. I’m sorry.”

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">

It took a lot for to finally voice this because for so long I’ve hid my feelings about adoption from my family. My Adad used to tell me I was ungrateful and throw in my face how horrible my bio mom was. I never felt a safe moment in which I could share these feelings. I believe -

sharing that your family member is adopted without reason is harmful.

Questions like: “Are your parents dead” “Do you know your real parents?” “What happened?” Are hurtful and only put adoptees in uncomfortable positions. I shouldn’t have to explain my life story because you -

feel entitled to it after learning it may be more complicated than you’d assume.

It backs me into a corner, especially if I’m with my family, in which I have to turn to self preservation and become a people pleaser.

I have run through my adoptee survival mantra if you will -

and say how “grateful I am” to have been adopted. Even though adoption is the result of an extremely traumatic childhood. I have to pretend be happy and thankful for everything I lost in that moment. In the worst moments my brain chooses to allow past trauma to resurface and

as I have to keep saying yes I’m happy I get to relive those traumas.

Respecting an adoptees boundaries is important.

Start doing so by avoiding over sharing of their stories.

Yes, this includes clarifying for strangers that you sister, cousin, and etc is adopted.