What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford insists Ontario's online vaccination is easy to use and his three Administrative Assistants and IT team booked his vaccination for him in no time at all.
2. After five days of hiding Doug Ford apologizes for acting too fast.

3. Trudeau government releases new budget and Erin O'Toole argues lack of personal unicorns for every Canadian is outrageous.
4. Federal budget offers much-needed childcare support subsidies. Kenney says Fed childcare funds will be used in Alberta to support orphaned oil wells.

5. Anti-lockdown groups hold protests in Toronto and Peterborough. Say lifesaving surgeries are being cancelled because people are faking Covid and demanding elective intubations.
6. OPC MPP Randy Hillier collects six-figure MPP salary for yelling misinformation and bible verses.

7. CPC MP Tamara Jansen says people perpetrating "lesbian activity" easily identified by flower-covered baskets on bicycles. Jansen adds, 𝑏𝑖cycles must stop being intimate with same-sex bikes.
8. Trudeau assures Rempel he always has Oklahoma in mind when developing policies.

9. Reports indicate Doug Ford keeps a collection of burner phones in his desk. That's it. That's the funny part. Ontario's Premier uses burner phones.
10. Ford says he's always said the federal sick pay program has gaps and he's bugged the Feds for months to fix it. Um. Yeah. No.

11. Reports reveal Doug Ford doesn't know how to use a laptop. The following day Ford says he works 24/7 and never taken a day off; praises modern business technology like fax machines and pagers for allowing that kind of hustle on his part.
12. Doug Ford cries. Then blames Feds.

13. Ford government says Feds must close airports to international travel because Ontario has done everything it can by closing camping in the wilderness and shuttering playgrounds for 8 hours last week.
14. Stephen Lecce travels around province to encourage people to stay home.

15. Monday, Ford team says Doug is unavailable because he's searching for vaccines. Tuesday, says Doug is self-isolating after contact with positive staffer. Wednesday, Ford team says Doug is working from home. Thursday, Doug gets computer training; checks Kijiji for vaccines.

16. Conservative critics say Deputy PM/Finance Minister Freeland's attire for budget release inappropriate. Critics outraged by Freeland's decision to not cover herself up with "IO&G" hoodie.
17. Poilievre insists Trudeau step down because Conservative Premiers are doing great.

18. Ontario Education Minister insists Feds shut down airports because he sees no evidence of imaginary layers of safety and protection at Pearson.
19. Rumours of a Ford cabinet shuffle kiboshed when Doug realizes he doesn't know how to open the cabinet roster Excel spreadsheet.

20. Ford's Media Relations chief closes comments on tweet about closing airports when she realizes Doug has a computer now and might comment wrong.
21. Reports suggest Ford's idea to close playgrounds and enforce ID checks came from high school intern helping Doug learn Facebook.

22. Alberta's NDP party raises 100% more in party donations than governing UCP. Kenney says Notley's refusal to share NDP donation monies with under-funded UCP proves the NDP are anti-Alberta.
23. Feds send healthcare staff to help address crisis in Ontario. Ford thanks himself.

24. Some say Doug's crying proves he's a new man and ready to lead now. So, yes, those thousands who have become sick or died under his watch should totes forgive and forget and look forward to Doug really getting up to speed leadership-wise now. That's it. That's the funny part.

25. Lots of jab selfies this week. People getting shots. It's très bueno. And you know what's truly mind boggling about all this? If you asked us this time last year if we thought we'd be getting vaccinated this soon?

No. F'n. Way.

Yo. Science. Thanks.