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when i was in intensive outpatient therapy i had to start wearing makeup to prove i was well enough to graduate from the program. i quickly learned how to use it to mask for the comfort of others. i am aimless and unspeakably low right now but at least i wash my face at night.
every day is a new set of landmines as i learn i& #39;ve been looking up at what everyone calls "the bare minimum" all my life. he had over 30 tumblr blogs he used to keep track of me. extricating myself from his control is taking so long. i deleted the second facebook he made me get.
for 12 years i lived for him. even when he encouraged me to kill myself. when he isolated me from everyone i knew. when he hid me from everyone he knew. and he never did my half of our art trade. 12 years and he couldn& #39;t fucking honor that.
i try not to put much detail on main, and trust me, this isn& #39;t even an ice cube& #39;s worth of the ice berg, but i am struggling. my mom won& #39;t listen and i can& #39;t tell my dad. i am thankful for the support of my friends but i am in some ways far beyond that.
i will keep trying, but it is hard to breathe and even harder to think. my heart hurts every time i think about not having him. he was my entire life for over a decade.
please don& #39;t say violent stuff about him, or misgender him. that doesn& #39;t help me or undo hurt he caused. man, most of you guys probably didn& #39;t even know i was in a relationship. he didn& #39;t let me talk about it where people might see.
