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Ok. I have finally calmed down from everything that happened today and I want to explain why, over the past two and a half months, my life has been hell. I will try to do so in a rational manner and please keep in mind that this is in addition to other factors.
This is in addition to my computer being broken and geek squad holding it hostage. This is in addition to not being able to make videos for over a month or stream with lewis. This is in addition to being affected by tear gas and feeling awful. So keep in mind this is a lot.
Two and a half months ago, I got a new roommate. I had bene searching for ages and thought that this person was trustworthy. Her name was Tegan and she had been a friend for over two years. We had voice chatted for a long time so I knew her pretty well I thought.
She was also dating my girlfriend (fil and I are both poly) so she vouched for tegan as well. We met that month and shared a lot of interests. It started off pretty well. She paid 300 for the upcoming month to ease her in and overall started helping me unpack.
She seemed very nice to me and my cats. So I helped her take some of her stuff to my apartment and get her set up. She had her cousin help as well. Seemed fine. Started to go downhill when she brought in the box spring for her bed. She claimed she couldn't lift it.
So, even though I'm disabled and not supposed to lift over 25 pounds, had to lift it with her cousin for her and set up her bed. Ok I thought. Maybe it was an isolated incident. Still her response was worrying. I said I couldn't lift it and she said "and I can?".
She knew I was disabled but I had to do this for her. Red flag but I ignored it and set her up. I had to unpack some of my stuff but she was mostly set up.
Things settled down for a few weeks after that. She helped a bit around the house. She worked a job. I took her to the bank cuz she couldn't drive. Seemed ok. Until rent came due.
Now, I told this before but I left out some details and it makes it way worse. So, she said a few days before rent was due that she could pay it. Promised to pay. I took her to the bank. So she was all set for rent. Right? Wrong.
I had just finished paying bills when she texted me saying she just had 170 and couldn't pay the full 600 rent. I asked her why. This is what I left out before since she asked me not to tell anyone. The reason she didn't pay me: she paid a dating site instead!
This was her "personal bills". She didn't want to pay interest for waiting to pay a dating site she signed up for so she paid that before rent, leaving her with not enough to pay.
So this alone is infuriating. But... I let it go. I was lenient. I said hey, maybe it was ab honest bad choice. But I still need rent money. I told her I needed it by next week. For context she was paid biweekly and it would be too late for rent
And I am NEVER late on rent because it's my home. I'm never letting my cats go homeless and always wanting a good reputation with the leasing office. It's essential for home ownership later.
So, Tegan turned to a friend for rent money. Said they could pay. And we went out to dinner. This was the worst dinner of my life. During dinner she found out her friend couldn't pay me and I gave her an ultimatum. I need rent by the first. That's it.
So she called every friend she had to pay rent she wasted on a dating site. Then she went to the bathroom and caused a scene so bad they called the cops. Again, deathly afraid of cops. So having to tell them it wasn't a domestic dispute was the worst.
After all this she finally found a friend to pay me and I got rent. It was the worst but I thought. Maybe it's one bad night. I sat down with her. Organized a budget. I gave her priorities. I told her how to budget. I did all this for her.
This was mostly because she had been through massive trauma in her past I only just learned of. She didn't want anyone to know. So I helped her get through her trauma and depression. I did everything I could. I asked her to get mental health help too but she refused that.
So I just helped her any way I could. In any capacity. I was always there for her. And then the following week she threatened to quit her job but wouldn't say why to me. She never wanted me to know things.
However, quitting her job affects rent so I needed to know. I asked her if I could help finding her a new job. She said no to that or a temp agency multiple times.
So already at this point she refused any help, didn't communicate, had issues telling me problems, and was starting to slack on helping me around the house. She was also not paying utilities at this point. Or groceries. That was all me.
And then one day she texted me she wasn't coming back. Didn't say why. Said she was safe but that was it. For three days she was just
... Gone. And I was confused and wondering where rent would come from.
... Gone. And I was confused and wondering where rent would come from.
When she came back she said she was staying with family til things blew over. Ok. I thought. Still having problems but I can iron them out. Another week goes by and she sends me a text saying "I'm sorry for what I'm about to do". Full stop
I had already taken off several days that week to make sure she was ok. Because she was that depressed and I made sure she was alive. So I thought the worst. Legit. I was up all night drinking. Worried sick. Worried that she might have.... You know.
She contacted me at 4am. Saying she was alive. She meant in that vague discord message that she had quit her job. But she also closed all her online accounts as well. Including her discord. Fil couldn't reach her. Nobody could. We were all worried sick. It was hell.
When she finally came home. I told her this wasn't working. I told her she paid for the month but at the end of the month she had to leave. And also she needed to pay last month rent so I had a buffer to find a roommate. Standard roommate agreement in all apartments.
Now, while this was happening, fil was also having issues. She completely blocked her girlfriend for trying to help. And then gaslit us both saying we were both always yelling at her. And that we made her trauma worse. When all I ever did was help her deal with things.
She made us out to be the assholes. And I felt like shit. Fil felt like shit. We thought we were bad people. But even still I couldn't deal anymore since she made me worried sick and I was doing everything to keep her alive and make her independent. I just wanted to breathe.
I wanted time to think and she would just tell her friends I was the bad guy when she left out the reason for my issues. The next week she got her friends to stage an intervention on me! She had them talk me into letting her stay and I refused.
I explained everything that was wrong. I explained why I couldn't deal with it. But also, she wouldn't do anything around the house without me asking three times now. She also had trouble with basic things like laundry. I had to remind her to do hers.
And even then she had to be taught how to do it. It was twice as much work for me and it became a chore to live with her. So when they had the intervention I let it all out in the open and said no. Not unless I saw MASSIVE improvement. I needed proof.
I needed her to get a job and prove she could pay rent and not mooch off friends. I needed proof she would help out. And eventually pay utilities. And we needed to deal with her other problems and she had to accept help.
Two days later, after agreeing to my terms, she called her friend to pay for her lunch. Even tho I just bought groceries and they were in the fridge. And she didn't clean the bathroom like I asked. I was livid. But I let it go. And it seemed to improve
She paid rent early. Somehow. I didn't ask how. So I was actually reconsidering letting her stay. Until last sunday. The angriest I've ever been. And I hate being angry
We had a grocery delivery I paid for. I was still paying for food until she got a job. She agreed to help me bring it in. But she didn't come when the delivery arrived. So I had to lift the soda myself and out it away. She came to ask if I needed help after that.
I pointed to the other soda. So... She went to the bathroom without a word. Ok... I put away the soda. I asked her to take out the trash. She did but didn't put a new bag in. Ok. Had to go into her room where she was paying video games and ask for help. Again.
She did so and went back in her room. I had ordered salmon and beef from Costco so I cut it up and vacuum sealed it for later. After the beef I asked her for help cutting up the salmon but she said "I don't know how. I'm a vegetarian". Okay? Whut?
Alright. So I asked her to do the dishes while I cut. And also to clean the counters after cuz she left the counter a mess every day after cooking. She never cleaned after herself. I cut up and vacuum sealed the salmon as she finished the dishes.
She went to walk to her room but I asked if she cleaned the counters. She didn't. So she did a quick half assed job and went to her room. I went back and cleaned it for her. And then I saw the stove. It was a mess!
She hadn't cleaned up from her lunch so egg was just in the stove. For context, I had completely cleaned the kitchen the day before. So I was livid. I went in and asked her to clean the stove. She did... And left cleaner out that my cats could access. I lost it.
She could have poisoned my cats. What if they kicked the bottle of cleaner? I put it away and just went into her room where she was still gaming. I told her I'd made my decision and she was to leave at the end of the month. I shouldn't have to ask her to clean after herself
I shouldn't have to keep coming for help with groceries for us. But also, poisoning my cats is the straw.
I told her she was to be out by the 30th and that I had found a roommate. End of story. Or so I thought. It gets worse.
That Thursday night I went to her room to say I was heading to work. But also I wanted her to keep an eye on Chiaki. She had thrown up earlier and I was worried. She doesn't normally throw up. I then remembered she had dropped an egg earlier that day.
I asked if she cleaned it up and she said she had but I wonder if Chiaki threw up an egg shell. I was worried she was poisoning my cats through neglectful cleaning. So I reminded her the new roommate arrived the 30th. She said oh.... Like she was surprised.
She then asked if I meant this month and I'm like... Yeah this month. I thought I was clear on Sunday. I said I want you out then. And I went to work. She clearly thought I meant next month. But.. I said end of the month.
The next morning I got a text saying "I want my 600 back". Full fucking stop. Ok what? While I was asleep. You text me for rent money back? No. Like, I told you a month ago I need final month rent if you leave. As a buffer. It's a standard rent agreement.
So I explained it to her again. That I couldn't give back the money because she paid it as last rent. And if she takes it back I can't afford to pay. I had to give my new roommate the same deal as her so that wouldn't cover full rent either.
Look. I'm not a bad person. I was lenient enough to let her stay after she almost hurt my cats. I'm not a monster. But I arranged this with her and she still wasn't paying utilities or full portion of groceries yet. So no. I can't give it back after I kicked her out for this.
Then I went to work overtime. A half day of work. But I was exhausted as hell. I went home and sleep til 4pm. And woke up to find an email from paypal. She filed a claim against me for her rent money back. She did that to a friend. To me.
I went to her room and confronted her. I asked her why she did this to me. Her response "what do you want me to say". She said this all the time as a deflection. Like, I just wanted an answer. I don't play like that. You don't do this to a friend who helped you
Who files a PayPal claim against a friend? And even then she wouldn't talk to me. So I told her. Tell me. Just tell me why. "I paid for rent. I want it back." No. Fucking no. So I told her to pack her bags and leave. I went out today with friends to see Mortal Kombat then.
I told her I wanted her out by the time I get back but I was so angry I forgot my jacket and as I left I thought maybe I should take my cats. But I needed to decompress. So I asked my friends to come back with me in case she was still there when I got back.
Thankfully she was gone but I have spent the entire day making sure my cats are ok. Making sure my apartment and stuff is here. Making sure I'm decompressed and ok. Venting. Trying to just get me mind calm.
And even then. Even after everything. I am the one who feels like she. She kept acting like I was an asshole for making her do chores. She muttered under her breath every time I asked her something or confronted her. She complained to my girlfriend and I that we were the issue.
I was gaslit the entire time. She complained to friends to poison them against me while leaving out details. And again. I did Everything in my power to help her. I lost days of work to help her. I bought her food. I got her set up. And she just walked over me.
I have been abused enough to see the signs. And still I wanted to help because she was a friend. But now I'm hurting. My cats could have been hurt. And I still have to contest this PayPal claim.
Even now she still thinks she's in the right. But I'm done. I'm done trying. I gave and gave. And all I got was abuse. *deep breath*. This is the end of the tread. I need time to heal. I wanna make videos again. I'm so tired. End of thread.
