the terms “traumatic experience” and “formative experience” are used so much I wish we had an equally popularized term to describe a positive formative experience because that could potentially reframe our psyche and help us heal and achieve wellness

while popularized self-care and self-love are great, they’re not necessarily tied to a co-constitutive experience which I think should be given more attention. the focus with these is often on material goods that (can) make us feel better and our individuality.

but the practice of deliberately recollecting positive formative experiences from the past and noticing the roles other people played in them, maybe as part of daily gratitude practice which is quite similar, would teach us more about how we want to be in the world

it could foster a new form of appreciation, compassion and teach us more about what we value and who we really are. because it’s not just the bad experiences and the trials we successfully overcame that shape our being, it’s the calm or empowering shared experiences too

I’ll leave you with these words by Alexis Shotwell @alexisshotwell https://alexisshotwell.com/2019/11/08/ethical-polyamory-responsibility-and-significant-otherness/amp/#_ednref5

this is also what’s difficult about the pandemic. losing those few rituals that provided us with a shared positive experience. my brain just doesn’t perceive a zoom birthday party the same way as it would an in-person gathering. personally, the experience is too tainted by loss

I also understand that memory is a huge issue for people after experiencing trauma, which is precisely why deliberately recollecting positive formative experiences is so necessary. even though we need to and even better if we do the recollecting with someone dear and safe for us.