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[*looks around*]
Are we doing this?
[*takes deep breath in*]
A'ight—looks like we're doing this.
Folks, let's talk about #perimenopause.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
Are we doing this?
[*takes deep breath in*]
A'ight—looks like we're doing this.
Folks, let's talk about #perimenopause.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
I was vacillating about whether to bring this up, because I had a vision of this account being FUN and ENTERTAINING and TONGUE-IN-CHEEK, but then I remembered that what makes #MidlifeBook such a powerful read is its unvarnished vulnerability. ^IC
And I know #MidlifeBook readers with ovaries or readers who are partnered with people with ovaries *might* be going through some of the same things, and I want you to not feel alone.
And, hey, if it's all behind you, we'd love to hear some of your insights, too. ^IC
And, hey, if it's all behind you, we'd love to hear some of your insights, too. ^IC
The *New York Times* had a great article on #perimenopause a few weeks ago: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/06/us/menopause-perimenopause-symptoms.html
Perimenopause has *34* symptoms, including headaches, irregular heartbeat, dry skin & fatigue. It is vastly understudied, so doctors aren't really treating it.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
Perimenopause has *34* symptoms, including headaches, irregular heartbeat, dry skin & fatigue. It is vastly understudied, so doctors aren't really treating it.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
And perimenopause symptoms can last *14 years*. #MidlifeBook ^IC
So here's my experience with perimenopause so far and why it makes me feel scared and vulnerable. (Although apparently anxiety and irritability and panic are also symptoms, so????) #MidlifeBook ^IC
My hair became crunchy when I was 38, and by 39, I'd gained an indelible belly pooch that was unswayed by any changes to diet or exercise. My sleep became poor, and I couldn't focus like I used to be able to. I got heart palpitations. #MidlifeBook ^IC
These changes coincided with when I was writing my dissertation, so I assumed they were the result of stress. I thought maybe when I was done my degree, I could recover. But the symptoms got worse. #MidlifeBook ^IC
The most debilitating symptoms by far, for me, are the migraines and the awful, awful brain fog. Especially on days after I don't manage to sleep well, my brain stubbornly refuses to function. I can't retrieve words or concepts. I forget easily. I'm incoherent. #MidlifeBook ^IC
I expect cognitive decline with age, but this all seems to be happening quickly.
A confounding factor, of course, is that I basically went from dissertation brain to pandemic brain, and I don't know how much is perimenopause and how much is unrelenting stress. #MidlifeBook ^IC
A confounding factor, of course, is that I basically went from dissertation brain to pandemic brain, and I don't know how much is perimenopause and how much is unrelenting stress. #MidlifeBook ^IC
In my accessibility work I've already been reckoning with my lifelong intellectual ableism, but this quick decline has brought the issue to the fore for me. I've grown up being told and believing that being smart was good. But smart and good aren't equivalent. #MidlifeBook ^IC
I've switched careers so many times—from physics, to publishing, to health research—but each career has depended on my having a working brain.
Do I have to switch again now that I can't think properly at least two days a week? But to what? #MidlifeBook ^IC
Do I have to switch again now that I can't think properly at least two days a week? But to what? #MidlifeBook ^IC
That's why @nealozano's #MidlifeBook essay on his career shift from journalism to working with his hands hit me like a ton of bricks. (Get yours now at http://midlifebook.ca !) ^IC
Maybe a pivot to yet another career *was* possible? Oh, but doubt: the trades Neal switched to required strength and skills I don't have. And they actually paid more than journalism!
What *I* could do with my hands most definitely would not. #MidlifeBook ^IC
What *I* could do with my hands most definitely would not. #MidlifeBook ^IC
(I have rivulets of tears streaming down my cheeks.)
I know so many brilliant women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, still out there researching, writing, speaking, advocating. I thought I could do that, too, but now I find my brain is mush. Will it come back? #MidlifeBook ^IC
I know so many brilliant women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, still out there researching, writing, speaking, advocating. I thought I could do that, too, but now I find my brain is mush. Will it come back? #MidlifeBook ^IC
It's such a cliché to say that you keep putting things off only to discover one day that your best days are behind you, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Like I've missed my window to make meaning in the only ways I know how. #MidlifeBook ^IC
And all the talk about "paths narrowing" in midlife seem all too real for me, because I'm simply not capable of the brain work I used to do. My brain literally hurts now, almost all the time.
Trying to push through, or mask, adds a layer of exhaustion.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
Trying to push through, or mask, adds a layer of exhaustion.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
It is a very ableist, very capitalist mindset, and I know it's something I have to work hard to unlearn. But right now it still feels like I am mourning a loss. #MidlifeBook ^IC
I did go see a doctor at one point, when symptoms were particularly severe. "What are you concerned it might be?" she asked. "I don't know. Anything from an iron deficiency to a brain tumour. Could it be perimenopause?" "No, you're too young for that," she said. #MidlifeBook ^IC
All of which is to say this: if you're in or entering midlife and going through something similar, it is not in your head. It is not "just stress." Your ovaries are having a fire sale on eggs, and your body is putting you through an unwelcome second puberty. #MidlifeBook ^IC
And you are not alone. #MidlifeBook ^IC
