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[*looks around*]
Are we doing this?
[*takes deep breath in*]
A& #39;ight—looks like we& #39;re doing this.
Folks, let& #39;s talk about #perimenopause.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
Are we doing this?
[*takes deep breath in*]
A& #39;ight—looks like we& #39;re doing this.
Folks, let& #39;s talk about #perimenopause.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
I was vacillating about whether to bring this up, because I had a vision of this account being FUN and ENTERTAINING and TONGUE-IN-CHEEK, but then I remembered that what makes #MidlifeBook such a powerful read is its unvarnished vulnerability. ^IC
And I know #MidlifeBook readers with ovaries or readers who are partnered with people with ovaries *might* be going through some of the same things, and I want you to not feel alone.
And, hey, if it& #39;s all behind you, we& #39;d love to hear some of your insights, too. ^IC
And, hey, if it& #39;s all behind you, we& #39;d love to hear some of your insights, too. ^IC
The *New York Times* had a great article on #perimenopause a few weeks ago: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/06/us/menopause-perimenopause-symptoms.html">https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/0...
Perimenopause has *34* symptoms, including headaches, irregular heartbeat, dry skin & fatigue. It is vastly understudied, so doctors aren& #39;t really treating it.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
Perimenopause has *34* symptoms, including headaches, irregular heartbeat, dry skin & fatigue. It is vastly understudied, so doctors aren& #39;t really treating it.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
And perimenopause symptoms can last *14 years*. #MidlifeBook ^IC
So here& #39;s my experience with perimenopause so far and why it makes me feel scared and vulnerable. (Although apparently anxiety and irritability and panic are also symptoms, so????) #MidlifeBook ^IC
My hair became crunchy when I was 38, and by 39, I& #39;d gained an indelible belly pooch that was unswayed by any changes to diet or exercise. My sleep became poor, and I couldn& #39;t focus like I used to be able to. I got heart palpitations. #MidlifeBook ^IC
These changes coincided with when I was writing my dissertation, so I assumed they were the result of stress. I thought maybe when I was done my degree, I could recover. But the symptoms got worse. #MidlifeBook ^IC
The most debilitating symptoms by far, for me, are the migraines and the awful, awful brain fog. Especially on days after I don& #39;t manage to sleep well, my brain stubbornly refuses to function. I can& #39;t retrieve words or concepts. I forget easily. I& #39;m incoherent. #MidlifeBook ^IC
I expect cognitive decline with age, but this all seems to be happening quickly.
A confounding factor, of course, is that I basically went from dissertation brain to pandemic brain, and I don& #39;t know how much is perimenopause and how much is unrelenting stress. #MidlifeBook ^IC
A confounding factor, of course, is that I basically went from dissertation brain to pandemic brain, and I don& #39;t know how much is perimenopause and how much is unrelenting stress. #MidlifeBook ^IC
In my accessibility work I& #39;ve already been reckoning with my lifelong intellectual ableism, but this quick decline has brought the issue to the fore for me. I& #39;ve grown up being told and believing that being smart was good. But smart and good aren& #39;t equivalent. #MidlifeBook ^IC
I& #39;ve switched careers so many times—from physics, to publishing, to health research—but each career has depended on my having a working brain.
Do I have to switch again now that I can& #39;t think properly at least two days a week? But to what? #MidlifeBook ^IC
Do I have to switch again now that I can& #39;t think properly at least two days a week? But to what? #MidlifeBook ^IC
That& #39;s why @nealozano& #39;s #MidlifeBook essay on his career shift from journalism to working with his hands hit me like a ton of bricks. (Get yours now at http://midlifebook.ca"> http://midlifebook.ca !) ^IC
Maybe a pivot to yet another career *was* possible? Oh, but doubt: the trades Neal switched to required strength and skills I don& #39;t have. And they actually paid more than journalism!
What *I* could do with my hands most definitely would not. #MidlifeBook ^IC
What *I* could do with my hands most definitely would not. #MidlifeBook ^IC
(I have rivulets of tears streaming down my cheeks.)
I know so many brilliant women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, still out there researching, writing, speaking, advocating. I thought I could do that, too, but now I find my brain is mush. Will it come back? #MidlifeBook ^IC
I know so many brilliant women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, still out there researching, writing, speaking, advocating. I thought I could do that, too, but now I find my brain is mush. Will it come back? #MidlifeBook ^IC
It& #39;s such a cliché to say that you keep putting things off only to discover one day that your best days are behind you, but that& #39;s how I& #39;m feeling right now. Like I& #39;ve missed my window to make meaning in the only ways I know how. #MidlifeBook ^IC
And all the talk about "paths narrowing" in midlife seem all too real for me, because I& #39;m simply not capable of the brain work I used to do. My brain literally hurts now, almost all the time.
Trying to push through, or mask, adds a layer of exhaustion.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
Trying to push through, or mask, adds a layer of exhaustion.
#MidlifeBook ^IC
It is a very ableist, very capitalist mindset, and I know it& #39;s something I have to work hard to unlearn. But right now it still feels like I am mourning a loss. #MidlifeBook ^IC
I did go see a doctor at one point, when symptoms were particularly severe. "What are you concerned it might be?" she asked. "I don& #39;t know. Anything from an iron deficiency to a brain tumour. Could it be perimenopause?" "No, you& #39;re too young for that," she said. #MidlifeBook ^IC
All of which is to say this: if you& #39;re in or entering midlife and going through something similar, it is not in your head. It is not "just stress." Your ovaries are having a fire sale on eggs, and your body is putting you through an unwelcome second puberty. #MidlifeBook ^IC
And you are not alone. #MidlifeBook ^IC
