Thread by @divorcedmage, star trek into darkness time in a bit... with bendydick cumsnatch... seriously [...]

star trek into darkness time in a bit... with bendydick cumsnatch... seriously who thought casting him was a good idea damn

me: oh the cinematography is weird
movie: (studio logo appears)
me: i am stupid

spock is so uptight and uhuras just like

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😍" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit herzförmigen Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit herzförmigen Augen">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😘" title="Kusshand zuwerfendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Kusshand zuwerfendes Gesicht">

no way kirk and bones survived that drop into the water lmao. a fall like that is basically like hitting pavement...

im sorry to scotty but i only see nick angel (uptight cop from hot fuzz)

bones: spock shut up we& #39;re trying to save you dammit
me: hey that& #39;s familiar... that was the same as...

(reaction to spock being alive)
kirk: overjoyed
uhura: exasperated

there is a pubby in this film

the dying child canceled out the puppy& #39;s presence oh god cumb/erbatch is here and he such a bad fit...

kirk: the truth is, i& #39;m gonna miss you
spock: (stunned into silence)

ok now im certain about it... i have seen this movie before and i do not knowhow or when. so much of it is familiar like the beginning part and the part with the dying child and when starfleet hq gets attacked? i remember it

nooo kirk

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😢" title="Weinendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Weinendes Gesicht">

kirk crying is hurting my heart

kirk: wait are you and spock fighting??
uhura: uhh
kirk: what is that even like???

wouldnt you like to know, star boy

kirk: you two working together wont be a problem right?
uhura: it wont be
spock: it might be

i want them to be a throuple. spock has two hands.

i really don& #39;t like overly cgi klingons. i guess it saves them make up artist money but im just like :/

i have actually never heard cumberbatchs voice before despite seeing millions of gifs over several years. i didn& #39;t expect it to sound like that.

this man depends on vocal fry... no one is allowed to make fun of valley girls ever again

obligatory half dressed woman

carol: noooo father you cant do this! if you& #39;re gonna blow up this ship, you& #39;ll have to kill me too!
me: but couldnt he just beam her away?
her dad: *does the thing i said*
me: ah

i think she actually calls him "dad" and im just prescribing dying victorian child vibes onto her because she& #39;s british

scotty: this is gonna be like jumping out of a moving car, off a bridge, into a shot glass
kirk: yeah i& #39;ve done that before
spock: ???????????????

scotty has what looks like a motorola razr v3i in his mouth

i dont understand why closing the airlock made kirk and khan drop in speed? wouldnt the airlock suck make them decelerate and then continue normally when it closes?

SPOCK IS HERE.... uhhhhh... like..... spock prime i mean

spock prime: i made a vow never to tell you anything that would alter your destiny
spock: please
spock prime: aww i can& #39;t say no to that face. ok listen closely-

uuuuuuuu chekov. i& #39;m gonna miss him. he& #39;s still in beyond, right?

the climax of the movie was that kirk fixed a machine by kicking the absolute shit out of it. amazing.

noooo don& #39;t do this to meeeee wrath of khan roleswap in the decontamination chamber

spock and kirk are crying together i am in so much pain

uhura just barely stopped spock from committing murder lmao

wait wait wait what did they do with khan though. he didn& #39;t die, did he??

also kinda fucked up that they just obliterated like dozens of buildings in san francisco like "oh thousands of people just died and no one in this movie really cares..."

ohhh they put khan in ice again. solves that problem i guess.

me: i guess this is entertaining in a way but this movie doesnt really make any sense, so i would say it& #39;s-
film: we dedicate this film to 9/11 veterans uwu
me: this movie is complete trash

dear new trek,
shut up about 9/11
shut up about 9/11
shut up about 9/11
thanks,
demo

tos/tng: we& #39;re gonna go to people& #39;s planets and help them because we& #39;re so advanced and cool and they& #39;re incompetant
ds9: hey that& #39;s kind of fucked up isn& #39;t it? starfleet is corrupt and imperialism is bad.
ent and aos: what if....... flying ship destroys skyscrapers AGAIN OHHH

i want to tell jj abrams that blowing up an entire planet and killing almost an entire culture is not comparable with 9/11 in any way shape or form. ok i& #39;m getting really pissed off at this movie and the one before END THREAD.

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