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hi, this is nin.
i'm very sorry to say this— and this is a sudden decision— but i'll be holding off all Archives updates for now (both the PG and SPG ones), and i'll be resting this account for four months at the very least.
hi, this is nin.i'm very sorry to say this— and this is a sudden decision— but i'll be holding off all Archives updates for now (both the PG and SPG ones), and i'll be resting this account for four months at the very least.
recent political events (recurring redtagging incidents on my own person, orgs i'm on, and the university i'm attending right now), various and worsening health issues, and academic committments are just some of the reasons why i'm doing this.
the most recent setback which made me decide to do this occured just earlier, when i was doing acads.browsing the pinned thread on my timeline, i had hated how the Archives flowed. i hated seeing my works— all works— including my art, all the fiction stories, and poetry.
this may sound so stupid, but every single thing keeps reminding me of someone i'd rather forget.of lies. sadness. and the never-ending hurt i've been feeling for months now.
and as i tried to do one fucking academic infographic earlier, i decided i can't do this anymore.
i want to write and do art, i really do, but how can i do it when he's still stuck in my head?
yes, it sounds stupid, but this person really had influenced everything i am right now— from acads to art, music to love; heck, i'm pretty sure everyone dubbed us as soulmates because of this and this is...he's not my boyfriend.
he never was.
but he was the person that i really envisioned that i'd spend the rest of my life with, and that's what makes this worse.long story short, all three years of friendship (and love, if you can call it that) went to nothing a few weeks ago.
i don't want to make works that just reflect sadness and yearning, for fuck's sake. perhaps this is just a bad case of withdrawal symptoms and a natural occurrence, but i don't want to spread the hurt that i'm feeling right now.that's the worst thing i can ever do.
i also had to consider the fact that i'm already exhibiting symptoms of acute leukemia since 2019. i don't know how bad it is since i haven't been to a check-up, but the hair falling, sleepiness, and bruises are already being too noticeable even on on-cam virtual classes.
hence the need to rest. it feels bad, as everything does, but we gotta do what we gotta do, right?we have to heal ourselves in the beginning, because it's the first step to making sure that we'll be okay again.
granted, it'll be messy and painful, but yeah.
if you're a mutual that's interacted with me, even once, i know this is a sudden decision and you'll be worried, but i really have to do this on my own for now.to my Archive readers, don't worry too much, okay? ≥160 days is just a short time.
ot5 nga nahihintay natin, e, bagong updates pa kaya? i'll make sure to give you a whole new collection when i return. to my seaweeds, college mydays, and gwabity, if you've read until this point— i'm sorry if i only told you this now. hindi ko intensyon na mag-alala kayo.
lol, who am i kidding? i know you'll be worried sick naman talaga when the secret's out of the bag now. eekif you're a kolek, it's one of the reasons why AKM never lets me out even on most uni-wide events. they're afraid of me being more sick than usual. xd
kaya kung ako sa inyo, do take care of your health! we have to see each other and go crazy over ot5 pa when this pandemic ends!promise me you'll stay safe and healthy, yes? even if i'm not around? because i'll get really mad if you won't!
to you reading this, if this thread somehow makes its way into your timeline:know that you're special and significant, even at the times when you feel like you're not so worth it yourself.
i love you and i want to hug you, even if we've not met personally. please know that someone out there loves you with all their heart, and you'll get to meet the people that'll love you more than you'll ever know someday.in the right time. promise.
like how the night sky glitters with stars and how the sun rises every after the darkness in the east, things will be better and you'll be able to breathe again.sure, this isn't paradise, but we do have our little pieces of heaven on earth that makes us smile, 'no?
to us, it's our music. to others, it is the connection of similarly beating hearts.to fans, it is how we're bonded together and how we meet family through our idols. it's also in the memories we share and the tears that we all cried together.
i hope i get to meet you all when it's okay. when i'm okay. where the sea finally sleeps for all of us.i will always think of each and every one of you in the warmth of the setting sun and the calmness of the seas.
with hope,
ninianne
