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tomorrow is probably going to be the biggest step forward with my mental health and life in general, I have been avoiding it for 5 years but all that pain and suffering is finally going to be over tomorrow afternoon (optional read very long, HEAVY TW////)
TW// so when I was little my parents divorced, my dad moved out and my mum started dating the man she cheated on him with (yeah she use to be an asshole) his name was Tony, he was the first person to start abusing me from a young age -
he started by making fun of me for being a tomboy and how it made me look like a "lesbo" I was like 9? then it quickly escalated to him physically abusing my 7 yr old autisic brother -
he didn't know I was not a dumbass I guess because he just let me tell my mum about it, my mum got absolutely pissed obviously and broke up with him, but unfortunately at that point he had already planted the seeds in my head for the next few years of abuse -
at some point my dad started dating a women named Lisa, she was also awful to me, she punched me in the gut when I accidentally bled on the sheets while on my period (I was like 10, didn't know I was trans) told my dad but he couldn't do anything about it (I'll explain)
My father was as mentally ill as me, had me at a young age and was abused and used by every women he was with, Lisa was no exception, she black mailed him into staying with her and letting her abuse us, I forgive him now but it made me stop coming to his house -
my mum started dating this man named Christian, he was never physically abusive but he mentally abused the absolute shit out of me specifically, he was clingy as hell to my mum and freaked the hell out whenever she talked to my dad "without his permission" -
at this point I was about 12, he had been mentally abusing me to the point of suicidal thoughts, I got desperate and begged my mum to leave him, she dropped him quick once she understood what he was doing to me, he texted my mum constantly for 3 years after that -
at this point I was at my darkest, I was 12, two friends who bullied me constantly, a group of random girls who bullied me, my mum yelling at me for having health issues, diagnosed with depression but not on meds, questioning my gender and sexuality all at the same time -
even though my mum wasn't dating anyone anymore those men had left some deep scars in my head, same with my dad, he was verbally abusive and a drug addict, I was scared to death of him at the time -
when I turned 14 was when shit spiralled completely out of control, planned to come out in March but my dad killed himself 3 weeks before I could, my mum started dating a man again who I was deathly afraid of and I started hiding in my room because of both of these things -
I started gaining weight while also trying to come out to my family and now dealing with a man who I didn't want to meet, I did come out eventually and it went well, I am very grateful for my family but it was insanely terrifying, unfortunately my issues weren't solved yet -
I somehow managed to completely avoid Ross for 5 years, that is what I'm doing tomorrow... meeting him, I have been bed ridden for years, I am currently at my grandmas who I haven't seen in ages, finally got to see my uncle who I hadn't seen since my dad died -
my mum and Ross are officially getting married in November so I really forced myself hard to do what I'm doing, still scared out of my mind but I am incredibly happy at the same time, getting over my fear of abusive men while also getting my life back at same time -
there is a lot that I missed but I don't want to make this thread 100 tweets long, basically I just want to pat myself on the back for getting to where I am, I honestly thought I would be stuck in my bedroom forever avoiding Ross. (if you read this somehow thank you 
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