Listening to @ChubaEzeks and @MohiniUfeli’s story on Zikoko and I realize that the reason I have never had any conflict with my wife in over 10 years we have been together is that we have a framework for communication. There is never any blame, just understanding of each other.
When we met, she was going to leave Ghana in a few months for France. She was upfront about it and I knew what it meant. If I didn't step up, she was gone forever. I stepped up. I proposed and went to see her every month. We spoke for hours on Skype daily too. No room for error.
Even after marriage, we make no assumptions and talk about everything. The only time we could have had a misunderstanding was when I had to travel a lot before my son was born. I eventually explained to her all the medical tests I had to do when I discovered I had goiter.
I got the good news that it was benign a week before my son was born and I traveled to be by her side. For my daughter, I was with her every day throughout the pregnancy. Which was a lifesaver as it was a different pregnancy.
I am trying to develop a similar framework of communication with my kids. I realized that most of the conflict we have even with extended family comes from assumption and lack of communication. ”Victor is arrogant because he is rich” but Victor is actually poorer than you!
Extended family members make the most assumption and have the greatest beef because of entitlement. Entitlement is one thing I have never had in the relationship with my wife and now my kids. Love is a privilege and not a right. Even when it is given unconditionally. It is grace.
All of those books they tell you to read before marriage are actually helpful. One of them said that no house is big enough for more than one family. Keep your house a single-family house. What it meant was that let extended family be visitors and not permanent occupants.
That was the single reason why the marriage of my parents failed. When you are married, leave your extended family and concentrate on your new family. It is not difficult to do.