You don't kill the ego.

You tame the ego.

If you try killing the ego, then you get a 'nice guy.'

If you try taming the ego, you get social & emotional intelligence.

'I think I get what you're saying. But I don't think 100% get it.'

Which part?

'Actually, I don't get it at all.'

ok, lets start with the basics

What is the nice guy?

'A person who is kind?'

Not quite

Kind and nice are different at a fundamental level

The nice guy may say a real or fake message with polite delivery

The kind guy will say a real message with polite delivery

The core philosophy of the nice guy is to be accepted.

The core philosophy of the kind guy is to express truth.

Confusing 1 for the other seems like a small mistake

But it can lead to a lot of heartache

With that out of the way...

What is emotional intelligence & social intelligence?

Think about it

Emotional intelligence is when the mind has understanding of the differnet sprectrum of emotions that one expereinces.

Understanding leads to control.

This is the essence of thick skin & integrity in one's action

Emotional intelligence is an internal game.

Social intelligence is the external version of that. how well you deal with people & see yourself in them

Emotional and social intelligence are cousins.

One influences the other

You with me so far?

'Yea, this is all making sense.'

Okay.

Now is the time to talk about the ego

The ego is one's identity.

What is it, or who is it that they are identifying as?

This is a deep philosophical question

What the ego identifies with is what creates the narrative of thoughts in the mind

The mind is made up of:

ego, intellect, memory & data from the senses

The ego gets all the memory & past data...

Then creates narratives out of that

'Wait, you're losing me. You're saying the ego creates narratives on its own?'

That is correct.

This is why I say you don't learn storytelling, you just make yourself aware that you always do it

To give you an example...

Let's say someone cuts you off in traffic.

And you decide not to cut them back off.

Still though, you feel rage

Once you see your friend later, they can tell something is wrong.

They ask whatsup

And you (without any conscious thought) start spilling a narrative of what just happened

"You won't believe it! This goon just almost killed me & I just escaped death by inches, blah blah blah."

You are SEEMLESSLY creating a narrative.

There is a character in your tale
There is a conflict
It's working it's way to the ending

Sound familiar?

'Oh shit! That's a story.'

Correct.

Humans tell stories on autopilot, because that's how the ego is wired.

'And why am I not killing it?'

Well, this is where your core philsophy comes

-Some cultures believe in destroying identity to attain truth

-Other cultures believe in preserving identity so it can experience truth

This thread is for the latter

Picture your phone.

I'm sure your phone has much different content than my phone.

Different apps, different photos, different text messages

That fair to say?

'Yes it is.'

What if we had identical phones?

'Eh, I wouldn't like that too much.'

Why?

'Because my phone represnets my unique life.'

That's correct.

Your phone (just like you) has an identity.

The identity isn't the problem.

Losing scope of the bigger picture is

If you were to start identifying as the phone, then we'd have a big problem

And likewise, when you start identifying with your story, then you'll have a big problem

A lot of people are not living life

They are just re-experiencing their past in different contexts

I call that sleepwalking thru life

And they unfortunately learn, when they have little time left

To escape this rat race for the mind, we need to stop identifying as the story & become the storyteller.

And this is the game of making awareness stronger than the mind

Awareness, consciousness, is the storyteller

Mind is the story

To tame the ego, detach from the ego.

To tame the ego, identify as awareness, the storyteller

This is where exercises like meditation, introspection, writing come in handy.

You don't need to do everyone of those exercises

But you should be doing atleast 1

I recommend starting off with writing

Writing allows you to see your story with the senses

It's a process called externalization

When inner thoughts are externalized

That's what I do here on twitter

I externalize

And something as small as a Tweet shifts my identity at a core level

Allowing me to be the storyteller of my life, rather than the story

'Really?? Something small like a tweet can do that?'

Yes, as long as you have knowledge behind your act

Reading this thread gives you the knoweldge

So you're aware of the INTENT behind each tweet

The ego was not the enemy

The problem was identifying with it

The ego works in waves

It goes up

It goes down

It experiences joy

It experiences pain

The storyteller is the surfer

Riding the waves with grace

But never identifying as the waves

Tame the ego thru effort, grit & persistence

Strong communication

Powerful insights

And thick skin will all follow

For more practical mindset tips, follow @ArmaniTalks