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Ok, let& #39;s have a #BuildInPublicTherapySession. I said it off the cuff yesterday, but I like it and I think I& #39;m going to make it a thing.
I have to confront my #ADHD head-on at this point.
I have to confront my #ADHD head-on at this point.
I& #39;m a programmer who hasn& #39;t actually built anything that people are using in the 5 months I& #39;ve been trying to build out my company. I& #39;ve tried a few times to build things out that didn& #39;t quite make it to the finish line.
#ADHD has reared its ugly head when I& #39;ve tried to program. I& #39;m starting to realize that I burnt out at my last job worse than I thought. It& #39;s been hard for me to find the joy I used to find in programming. I can& #39;t get it to trigger the hyperfocus like I used to be able to.
Today I had a chance to meet with someone I& #39;d been looking forward to meeting. I& #39;ve followed her work for a while and I was hoping to get her on board. She was really open to the idea and we had a great conversation. But then she asked me what I& #39;ve built so far.
The answer was nothing. I didn& #39;t have anything built yet. I mentioned how I& #39;d started to build out a couple projects that I ended up scrapping because I realized they wouldn& #39;t be profitable soon enough, and I talked about trying different ideas.
But then I started thinking deeper about why I hadn& #39;t built anything. And that& #39;s where I noticed patterns of trying to build something, my brain feeling fried, and the project dropping from my priorities.
I& #39;ve had a bit more luck on my #SellInPublic project, but that& #39;s more of a passion project with a longer timeline. That& #39;s not one with the pressure of money bearing down on me. It& #39;s a fun challenge. It& #39;s got a longer timeline.
But when I try to focus on the needing money part of the equation, my brain just freezes. It& #39;s been incredibly frustrating. I& #39;ve been working on getting a prescription from my doctor for some help with the ADHD part. I& #39;m currently 6 weeks into that process without being able to
find a doctor yet that will work with me. I went through a referral from my family doctor but was told that the one psychiatrist that I was referred to only works with patients between 18-30 years old. I ended up with a stack of phone numbers for others I can call.
Want to almost guarantee triggering my executive dysfunction? Give me a stack of phone numbers for doctors& #39; offices where I am supposed to figure out who is accepting new patients, who would accept me, whether or not they accept my insurance...
I& #39;ve got a chunk of time set aside on Monday to deal with that. We& #39;ll see how it goes. But until then, I need to figure out a way to build without that help. I& #39;ve been thinking a lot about how my autism and ADHD shape how I view the world. I& #39;m a big believer that neurodivergence
can be a superpower. It can also be debilitating and frustrating when you aren& #39;t in control. The key for neurodivergence to be a superpower is in the control. If you understand how your brain works, you can work with it instead of fighting it all the time.
I spend a lot of time reflecting. I examine how I respond to various situations. I think about outcomes and try to figure out how things could have gone differently. I look for places where I am weak so I can work on improving them.
When I got asked the question, "what have you built?", I was forced to confront a weakness. The hardest part for me is that my programming used to be a strength. I always felt like that was an area that was really strong for me.
I just haven& #39;t been able to use it as a strength. I& #39;ve been trying to compensate with my other skills. I spent most of last night trying to figure out how I can overcome this challenge. And then I got an idea that I thought was so good, I had to do it.
When I first quit my job, I assumed that I would be able to share the vision in my head and everything would just start working. It turns out, getting a huge vision out of my head and on to paper isn& #39;t something that I& #39;m particularly skilled at.
That was one of my first realizations. I wrote about it here: https://medium.com/illumination-curated/how-to-know-you-didnt-do-a-good-job-explaining-your-startup-13bc8006abb0">https://medium.com/illuminat...
I recommend reading that article. It& #39;s going to be a key part of this initial build. But in case you don& #39;t, the story goes like this. I was trying to convince my dad that I had an idea for a startup.
I was trying to outline how companies like Facebook and Google make money off of user data. I explained how I was looking to help users regain control of their data. And I apparently did a terrible job of outlining it.
I heard through the grapevine that he repeated my idea as "he wants everyone on Facebook to pay him a dollar". Not exactly the vision I was trying to outline.
That& #39;s the story behind what I& #39;ve decided to build. I want to have a little fun with it. I& #39;ve been way to focused on how much money I can make. I& #39;ve been trying to figure out how to pay the bills. I& #39;ve lost the sense of fun with programming.
And now I& #39;m ready to get it back. I& #39;m going to let everyone on Facebook pay me a dollar. But they don& #39;t actually need to be on Facebook. They can be anybody on the internet who wants to pay me a dollar. The trick is in figuring out what people would get for their dollar.
That& #39;s when I realized I could sell an ownership stake in the article I mention above. I have other things that I am working on that I could put up first, but I like the idea of focusing on this one article. It gives me a concrete project. I have a very specific goal in mind.
It also makes a good story. My dad and I don& #39;t see eye to eye on many topics. He& #39;s extremely risk-averse, so he wasn& #39;t happy that I quit my job to launch my own company during a pandemic. He didn& #39;t see the opportunity that I did. I see some poetry in turning that around.
It& #39;s going to be pretty cool. The build starts today. I& #39;m spending a little more time breaking out the chunks of the project. And then I& #39;ll start building. I don& #39;t have a time frame. It will take however long it takes. But I& #39;ll build in public and share the story. Stay tuned.
