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//vent?
I have a love/hate relationship with Maladaptive Daydreaming. I really just want to talk about it to someone who will listen, but id feel to awkward lmao. Idk im,, maybe im just tired of everyone telling me its a good thing. Ever since this shit started
Rising i've been glorified for my imagination. For the way i could imagine anything in perfect detail, the way i could create my own stories. I believe i'm not traumatized but my early childhood had some unpleasant moments, i believe that's what caused it
And... MD is like a toxic best friend. It enters your life slowly, as an escape, as a relief. As a way to enjoy life through beautiful, absolutely astonishing pictures you wish you could actually show to people. And you get praised for it. Nobody really pays attention to the
Notes of your teacher that say "Always distracted, daydreams". And you yourself feel like nothing is wrong. But at one point you realize that your life isn't... Real. The life you imagined, everything is just in your head. You're not cool, you're not extraordinary. Nothing
And you cant understand why. For the longest time i've been trying to understand why do i feel like life didn't begin yet. I'm supposed to be the main character. That's how it always been. And this is when MD cuts you off from everyone because the more distress you feel the
Stronger this motherfucker gets. And i'm so tired. I'm so tired of everyone praising this. I could be amazing at math, it turns out! But i was fooled into thinking i'm an art kid, when really, there was never creativity. It were just aimless, realistic dreams.
I cannot sleep without MD. I believe it could correlate with possible ADD, because i get fixated on one topic a lot (not only because of this but... You get it) and this is the only reason i sleep - because i daydream about something soft. Do i get full hours of sleep? No.
I have alarms. A lot of them. An endless amount because i want to daydream for as long as i can. I take the long road to school to daydream. I skip online classes. I don't pay attention because the image in my head is too vivid, like a cinema. I miss what someone says a lot.
I don't want to hang out with people because i suddenly have an urge to daydream. I don't want to do anything except pace around my room in circles because holy fucking shit of course an entire motherfucking series about Okuyasu Nijimura is more important than my future!
I'm tired. This thread isn't directed at anyone. I just- i just want this to stop but i can't. I know i won't be able to sleep if i stop. I know i won't be able to escape from hardships if i stop. And a part of me doesn't even want to stop.
