I read this loveliest article today, but I want to interrogate one but of it, because I see these unquestioned assumption a lot.

Is charting your own course better than following a map from your parents?

For me I think not, and I'll explain why.

I grew up Protestant. We have a lot of church splits.

When I was 5, a group split off from my church. The vibe was exactly "I'm not going to follow your map anymore." One of them had had a prophecy the church didn't recognise so they went their own way.

Most people have times in their lives when the map they were given seems wrong. You can cling to it anyways; you can trade it for a new map, like rationality or EA; you can make a new map (although many "new" maps I see reflect ideas that have been in the water for a while).

But sometimes you can also go back to your parents or community and say, "I don't understand this part. What's going on here?"

Questions like
-Why do you value children so much?
-Why didn't you want me to be a writer?
-What change to my life do you think would make it better?

One of the reasons it's easy for me to advocate for this is that my parents are not intrusive. They generally wait until they're asked to give advice (unlike me!). And they've also lived a life I really respect with regards to relationships with the people around them.

So I do intend to follow their map for community, friendships and marriage, hopefully improving upon it as I go so I can pass it on to my kids one day. And I hope my kids will value the lessons we've learned and use that wisdom too.

I have been *ahem* informed that I forgot to link to this VERY LOVELY article (it will make your day) https://askpolly.substack.com/p/my-magic-is-disappearing

Also on the value of tradition: https://mobile.twitter.com/effendleton/status/1385893233750941698