everybody likes alpha right? so let's talk about alpha.

1/

what's good alpha?
buy low, sell high, 100x then lambo!
or get free coins.

2/

how do u buy low?
well the purpose of the Tech is to make the Coin go up right?
so if the Tech is workin right, the coin goes up, because people buy the coin. well dayum. i dont want it to go up too fast before i can get some.
what do i do? buy early before it's gone up a lot

3/

how do you buy early? bots are on all the exchanges sniping that shit as soon as it's listed. and worse, sometimes this sorta chart happens when the coins get listed.

4/

wtf man?

5/

its ok tho. there's this life hack that all the cool kids are doing so they can buy early. and defi's made it so accessible that even a retard like me could find it.
https://twitter.com/josephdelong/status/1383175503436128256?s=20

6/

so wat do? well you wanna buy the coin before it's listed. that means you gotta buy the coin before there is a coin.

how do we do that? VC - short for Voracious Cocksuckers.

7/

VCs are in the business of sucking long big dicks. Let me explain. Being a project founder is hard work, you spend all your time in front of the PC being autistic so you don't get enough dome irl.

8/

what do VCs do? you guessed it, they fix that pain point by sucking those devs' dicks. what's more, they're so horny, they'll pay to do it! But where's the fun in that, you ask?

Well, turns out if you suck on another man's dick hard enough, he gives you coins!

9/

Cool! Everybody gets paid, plus we get to have sex! Why don't these nerds just suck each other off in perpetuity, like Ouroboros?

Because duh, you only get paid when you cash out.

10/

Who pays? You pay! Plebs buy these coins because they fuckin love em. The coins go up and then they dump it on each other for lambos. Who doesn't love a good coin?

11/

Okay, okay. But Hardwood, you say, what if the coin looks like this? Or this?

12/

well shit man. i guess some of these coins are gay then cause they suck fat dicks!

13/

Not every coin is good. We all wish our rugs could be magic carpets, but most of them will never fly. A bunch never even get off the ground. That Etherscan gem you just found with 20 holders? Yeah sometimes the only people who get rugged are the ones who buy it early.

14/

Actually brypto VCs are misrepresentative of Voracious Cocksuckers from irl. VCs are supposed to be in the business of taking on that risk - the risk of being too early. It's not supposed to be as profitable as it is for Alameda or other influencers who just get to dump on u.
15/

Like most gays, VCs get fucked a lot. Brypto people think everything is a unicorn, but that's probably just because we try to make them that way. Cheap valuations, lenient vesting schedules, ponzinomic markups to let us dump on each other for minimal effort -

16/

shilling shitcoins to our 20k follower accounts, or putting our brand logos on the coin's frontpage, or giving the needful CEX listing so plebs can fomo. Smh, wen mun?

17/

And that's not where it ends. I'm not here to call anybody out tonight, but some of these fuckers are here to get their presales and they tweet for the express purpose of dumping their shitbags on you.

18/

And you know, there's ways to go about it. Pretend you only aped with money you can afford to lose. Maybe pretend you only bought after the dump at the start - and that you weren't in the presale. Buy the bottom and sell the top - wow, great trader right?

19/

The fact of the matter is, influs aren't always paid with coins. Often they're paid with allocations for the coin instead - and it's up to them to pump these bags to normies.

20/

DeFi has democratized and degenerated finance. Nowadays any fag can buy a presale - even a random gay wassie like Hardwood!

21/

So, where's the alpha? How do we generate alpha in this sea of Clusterfork? How do we tell which coins are the good ones, and how do we buy them early?

22/

Good projects are like good men. Look for the ones who don't put out for every trashy shill, look for the ones who are here to do Good Things instead of Grab Money.

23/

Here in the business, we call it FAG.
Fundamental
Analysis
G
https://twitter.com/Hardwood_/status/1356012985152634884?s=20

24/

Well shit. Time to DYOR instead of just saying "DYOR" all the time. Maybe look at the coins you're buying. Try a bit to understand what they do, so you can decide for yourself whether it'll work out or not.

25/

Read the whitepaper, look at the contracts if you know how to do that - don't ape blindly after other apes who just want to eat you.

26/

But that's just how to not get rugged. What if you want to do better than that? Surely the 1000x life can't just be for those influencers. If it's so profitable to play at being a VC, maybe we can try it a bit too?

27/

So... still remember what VC stands for? Time to make yourself useful. If you wanna hang with the gay crew, you gotta learn to suck it first. @Hardwood_

28/

Sucking a dick is not a simple process. You don't just kiss the lil the red booboo and call it a gay. If you wanna suck it good, you gotta go the extra inch. Maybe deepthroat it or swallow after.

29/

Be a useful person. Don't just beg to toss your money at founders. There's no one way to make yourself useful to a project; it depends what they need.

30/

For example, is there a bug? Bugs are pretty bad so we should try to get rid of them where possible, yeah? What's one way to get rid of bugs? Test the product, use the product, and report what you think.

31/

Some of these devs are pretty autistic, so even if it's not a bug, your feedback as a user is valuable.

32/

If you like the product, tell your friends. Tell them what it does, why it's good, invite them to try it and give their thoughts. Is educational content different from shilling? Sorta, but it's also the same.

33/

Just make sure you're telling people about the good shit, not the bad shit. And, damn dude, don't be a slowpoke. Even if it's good, if everybody and their grandma already know, maybe don't.

34/

Help contribute to the product, or hook people up with the guys who can. Review the github, review the tokenomics, whatever you're good for. In a world where everybody's trying to throw money at founders' Onlyfans, talent is scarce.

35/

Being a dev isn't easy because you have to put in the work. They could use a helping hand. And actually that's not even the real reason why so many DeFi startups are understaffed.

36/

People, especially most of these moneythrowers, are Lazy As Fuck. Seriously, some of these teams who I DM with have got investors up the fuckin ass. The industry's fuckin best, big ass brand names, and they can't even find a single jeet to man the Discord.

37/

Do you even care about your investment, man? Why don't you put your back into it a bit? I'm over here sourcing impoverished college boys to help out with this shit - and they do a damn good job too. My friends are fucking radiant.

38/

I dunno man. If I had to say, I'd prefer if more people put in the time and work to Do Good Shit. I love good coins and I just wish there were more of em around.

39/

What do I know though... I'm just a gay wassie on twitter dot com. My two weeks are almost up and I didn't get to play Ethereum last weekend so I'm kinda salty. (Gas is great now though.)

40/

If you're a legit founder or a team in need of assistance, slide into my DMs. I'll suck it real good for ya. Let me know what I can do - maybe I can help. Most of these coins are gonna die anyway when the culling happens, but maybe we can save some of the better ones.

41/

A little bit is all we can do anyway.

42/

I'm gay. @VCBrags

43/